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Tomson

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Post December 30th, 2011, 3:28 pm

Cheating

The other day, I was talking with some colleagues about what constitutes as cheating. Some of us agreed that cheating doesn't have to be physical. You can mentally cheat on someone as well. I don't mean just thinking about someone else but flirting, sending inappropriate texts, stuff like that.

So what is your take on this? where do you draw the line?
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MadamPince

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Post December 30th, 2011, 3:38 pm

I don't think that there is any harm in flirting with someone else. Some people are natural flirts and can't turn it off - but when things get inappropriate, that can count as cheating.

Otherwise kissing is where I draw the line.
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Lila Bard

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Post December 30th, 2011, 6:16 pm

Agreed. But it also depends on the agreements you have with your partner, and the way he or she evaluates your actions. My husband and I agreed that nothing is wrong with flirting with another person, and we do so on a regular basis (not with people who'd take it seriously though, it's only a joke, and we flirt with people we know well and would not misinterpret the signals). But if I would sense that my husband would feel insecure about me flirting with someone, I would stop. Not because it's "not allowed" or anything, but it's a matter of mutual respect.
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Tomson

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Post December 30th, 2011, 6:36 pm

I agree that flirting is acceptable to a certain degree. Especially when you're flirting with someone you know very well and who knows it's nothing serious. There's still a limit to how far you can go though, and I always tried not to flirt at all.

but when things get inappropriate, that can count as cheating.


Agreed. My colleague was getting some pretty inappropriate texts from a married guy. Whether he was being serious or not, he crossed a line. I think it's unfair to his partner when he says those kinda things to another woman.
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Post December 30th, 2011, 7:07 pm

Thinking about people is fine, light flirting, but just with people you know well, is fine. I hate it when people get all over the top just because their other half glanced at someone, it's a bit like, just because you go out with them doesn't mean that they don't find other people attractive, they just don't act on it because they like you. If they've got to inappropriate texting then they're well over the cheating line.
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Post December 30th, 2011, 10:42 pm

Lmao I don't have anything against cheating unless it's done during a very committed relationship. Like if you date a girl for a month and then something happens, no big deal.

But where do you draw the line? I think it starts with kissing, because then your really getting intimate. Dancing or hugging is nothing really.
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Tomson

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Post December 31st, 2011, 10:28 am

How do you expect to build a very committed relationship when you're not even faithful to each other?
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Post December 31st, 2011, 11:55 am

Auraya Kairi Black wrote:Thinking about people is fine, light flirting, but just with people you know well, is fine. I hate it when people get all over the top just because their other half glanced at someone, it's a bit like, just because you go out with them doesn't mean that they don't find other people attractive, they just don't act on it because they like you. If they've got to inappropriate texting then they're well over the cheating line.

I love this anecdote of my husband and a bit too many people to assist going out to get his suit for the wedding. They were spending some time outside a cafe, drinking coffee, and suddenly, a black porsche with a tall blonde stopped right in front of their noses. That shut them up for a good twenty seconds. The only woman in the group was rolling her eyes at the guys (including her boyfriend). I found it hilarious when they came home and told me, and I honestly don't see why my husband should not be allowed to look at other women. Doesn't hurt me, and I feel free to look at other men (and women, if really attractive).
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Post January 10th, 2012, 4:00 pm

Nona wrote:
Auraya Kairi Black wrote:Thinking about people is fine, light flirting, but just with people you know well, is fine. I hate it when people get all over the top just because their other half glanced at someone, it's a bit like, just because you go out with them doesn't mean that they don't find other people attractive, they just don't act on it because they like you. If they've got to inappropriate texting then they're well over the cheating line.

I love this anecdote of my husband and a bit too many people to assist going out to get his suit for the wedding. They were spending some time outside a cafe, drinking coffee, and suddenly, a black porsche with a tall blonde stopped right in front of their noses. That shut them up for a good twenty seconds. The only woman in the group was rolling her eyes at the guys (including her boyfriend). I found it hilarious when they came home and told me, and I honestly don't see why my husband should not be allowed to look at other women. Doesn't hurt me, and I feel free to look at other men (and women, if really attractive).


Exactly! But then you get couples where both of them get really angry at the other just for being attracted to everyone else, when, especially at my age, it's not even your fault, it's just the way that your hormones and your body have reacted.
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Post January 10th, 2012, 7:02 pm

I will go on record and say that I am a generally jealous mate. I am aware of it/ I am aware it is a problem but I cannot seem to curb it. That being said, intellectually I believe someone has cheated if there is an understanding that they are in an exclusive relationship. It is a lack of respect and disregard for their partner that causes one to "cheat" (whatever the definition).

I do not approve of flirters, and could never date someone who acted that way. I don't condemn people for it, but I know I could not abide it.
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Post January 10th, 2012, 7:28 pm

Cheating is doing something sexual with another person in my opinion. Ive been in a few open relationships so im not a jealous guy and i am also very forgiving. If i found out my girlfriend kissed another guy at a party i wouldnt care but i would be upset if she slept with him or something.
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Post January 11th, 2012, 3:56 am

Cheating is when you actually kiss the person, i mean if you're flirting i'm not going to deny i would get jealous but it's not exactly cheating so yea kissing is where i draw the line
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Post January 11th, 2012, 4:35 am

I thought this was about Academic Dishonesty.
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H4mmer34

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Post January 11th, 2012, 8:28 pm

Katura Sesondor wrote:I thought this was about Academic Dishonesty.


Lol
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MadamPince

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Post January 11th, 2012, 8:37 pm

Katura Sesondor wrote:I thought this was about Academic Dishonesty.


No, that's called teamwork ;)
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Post January 12th, 2012, 7:17 pm

I think what ever your definition of cheating is, you and your partner needs to be on the same page. Some guys don't think a lap dance as a strip club is cheating while some girls do. And vice versa, of course.
Some define cheating as physical/sexual while other people consider emotional cheating legit.

I know some people who consider lunch or dinner or even drinks with a platonic friend to be cheating. I disagree. But if my partner feels it is cheating, then I've done some wrong. It doesn't matter if I don't agree because I've upset him and he is the one I have to answer to.

A huge part of being in a relationship is communication and communicating borders and what makes you comfortable is super important.
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Post January 15th, 2012, 11:25 am

I certainly wouldn't count watching porn as cheating but I think that you can cheat without kissing someone.
It depends on motive - flirting is fine if you know that's as far as you want it to go but if you're flirting with the intention of going further, that's not okay.
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Post January 16th, 2012, 8:54 pm

I think intent plays a big part.
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Loch Monarch

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Post January 16th, 2012, 9:04 pm

I believe it is a mental mindset as well, meaning that if you are thinking about the thing you woukld do with that person, I would consitutute that as cheating. I feel it is like cheating in you heart, harmless flirting is different, I belive it is when you start to feel something for the person you are flirting with and you give you heart away to another person other than your spouse or partner.
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Post January 16th, 2012, 9:17 pm

I think it depends what kind of feelings. If it's just lust, then fine, because you can't help how you feel, but if you start to crush on them and do something about it, then that is cheating.
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Loch Monarch

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Post January 16th, 2012, 9:25 pm

I believe lust is the first step to cheating.
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Cersei Snark

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Post January 16th, 2012, 9:42 pm

Yes, but regardless of whether you feel lust or not, I think the love you feel for the other person will stop you acting upon it. People feel lust all of the time to all sorts of people, it's one of those things that you can't stop.
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Post January 16th, 2012, 9:47 pm

I have been married for two years, engaged for a year before that and have been with my husband for several years before that. I never really look at other men, or women. My eyes are really only for Daniel. Before Daniel I dated alot, my focus has always been for the one I was with.
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Lila Bard

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Post January 17th, 2012, 8:31 am

Really? I do look at other men (and women) and see that they are attractive. The thought of actually having intimate contact with them repulses me though, but that's not the same as just looking and appreciating.
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miss.witch

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Post January 20th, 2012, 11:01 am

i usually draw the line at inappropriate texts or anything more than a kiss on the cheek. i usually dont mind a little flirting
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