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Posts: 4918 · Posted: April 1, 2008 8:55 pm Post subject: Can anyone..

Please help me edit my paper that is due soon. I don't want you to fix the problems because that's my job. I just have trouble finding the problems.. If anyone is really good at editing can you PLEASE help me... So if your good at locating the problems in the paper and you have time to spear tonight i would very much appreciate it if you could let me know.

(Is this in the right thread? sorry if it's not.)
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Posts: 24078 · Posted: April 1, 2008 8:56 pm Post subject: Re: Can anyone..

I guess this is the right thread, lol. There is a homework help one, but it's buried somewhere. HOw can we help you edit it?
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Posts: 4918 · Posted: April 1, 2008 9:01 pm Post subject:

I'm horrible at finding Run-ons and Fragments.. Maybe I can post a paragraph and we can do it that way..

It would help me so much.. If anyone could find it.. I then could easily fix it. My whole problem is the finding them part.
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Posts: 24078 · Posted: April 1, 2008 9:03 pm Post subject:

I have about an hour to help you. Post a bit of it, if you can. I'll try to help you.
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Posts: 4918 · Posted: April 1, 2008 9:06 pm Post subject:

Thank you so much!!

This is the first paragraph.. It's about Human trafficking and a young girl that got sold into it..

Paloma was a young girl from Mexico, coming to the united states to make a better place for herself. She was only sixteen years old at the time she was brought to America. When she met the guy that would bring her to America he told her of all the joy and glory that America held. As she and the guy pulled up the apartment she felt as if something was very wrong. It was of course better then the run down place she lived at in Mexico with her family but that was before she would spend six months closed up in an apartment being the slave to the guy who said she would be coming to a better place. All she had to do, was to cook, clean and have sex with him when ever he wanted her to. He of course prevented her escape with certain things he did. Like taking the phone with him when he left and threatening to have her family killed if she tried to escape. Human traffickers should stop trafficking people because this business is wrong and by doing this they are hurting woman and children. This story is one of millions and even billions of situations that happen in the United states every year.
_________________

"You lied to me."
"I got a jar of dirt!"
"Welcome to the caribbean, love."

Posts: 24078 · Posted: April 1, 2008 9:25 pm Post subject:

Alright, I can't promise it's perfect, though.

Paloma was a young girl from Mexico, coming to the united states to make a better place for herself. She was only sixteen years old at the time she was brought to America. When she met the guy that would bring her to America he told her of all the joy and glory that America held. As she and the guy pulled up the
The word "to" left out?

apartment she felt as if something was very wrong. It was, of course, better then the run down place she lived at in Mexico with her familyTry a period here and take out the word "but" and capitalize the T but that was before she would spend six months closed up in an apartment being the slave to the guy who said she would be coming to a better place. All she had to do, that comma was not needwas to cook, clean and have sex with him when ever he wanted her to. He you need commas around the phrase "of course" of course prevented her escape with certain things he did. This is not a new sentenceLike taking the phone with him when he left and threatening to have her family killed if she tried to escape. Human traffickers should stop trafficking people because this business is wrong and by doing this they are hurting woman and children. This story is one of millionsyou need commas around the words "even billions" and get rid of the word "and" and even billions of situations that happen in the United states every year. capitalize the word "States."
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Posts: 3822 · Joined: Nov 25, 2006 Location: Home of the hits Posts: 3822

Posts: 24078 · Posted: April 1, 2008 9:31 pm Post subject:

Posts: 4918 · Posted: April 1, 2008 9:38 pm Post subject:

Thank you so much.. Uh I wont do the whole paper.. because It's 8 pages long.. But if you have time I can post 1 or 2 more paragraphs.. Just the ones that are giving me the most trouble.

(I'm really bad at grammar Embarassed

)
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"I got a jar of dirt!"
"Welcome to the caribbean, love."

Posts: 24078 · Posted: April 1, 2008 9:39 pm Post subject:

I don't have much more time, BUT post what you can. If I can't help you, there might be a chance someone else is here to help.
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Posts: 4918 · Posted: April 1, 2008 9:41 pm Post subject:

The government tries to help but it can be very hard and harmful for family members of the trafficked person and the trafficked person themselves. “Investigations require cooperation among numerous agencies and present many obstacles“ (Bales 76). Investigations are very tricky because so much goes into trying to free a trafficked person. “Provided investigators know where to look, they can identify the clues to a trafficking crime and locate the victims and perpetrators”(Bales 76). But again it can be very hard to locate the victims because of the sensitivity of the case. “Issues relating to gender can affect the case in which interviewers can obtain information from victims”(Bales 76). The victim if female is most likely being raped and prostituted along with other things like doing domestic work. “ Females from some cultures may be reluctant to seek assistance in these cases because of the same and stigmatization that might come from disclosing their experience”(Bales 76). Some cultures feel that it is shameful if a woman gets raped or they feel that all woman are good for is domestic work so it would not matter very much.

This one is giving me a bit of trouble..
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"You lied to me."
"I got a jar of dirt!"
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Posts: 3822 · Joined: Nov 25, 2006 Location: Home of the hits Posts: 3822

I think the citations and periods go inside the quotes, but I'm not entirely sure about this.
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Posts: 24078 · Posted: April 1, 2008 9:52 pm Post subject:

Again, I can't promie it's perfect... but I tried.

The government tries to help butcommahere it can be very hard and harmful for family members of the trafficked person and the trafficked person themselves. “Investigations require cooperation among numerous agencies and present many obstacles“ (Bales 76). Investigations are very tricky because so much goes into trying to free a trafficked person. “Provided investigators know where to look, they can identify the clues to a trafficking crime and locate the victims and perpetrators”(Bales 76). Buttake out the words but and again. Starta new sentence with "It. again it can be very hard to locate the victims because of the sensitivity of the case. “Issues relating to gender can affect the case in which interviewers can obtain information from victims”(Bales 76). The victimcommas around the phrase if female if female is most likely being raped and prostituted along with other things like doing domestic work. “ Females from some cultures may be reluctant to seek assistance in these cases because of the same and stigmatization that might come from disclosing their experience”(Bales 76). Some cultures feel that it is shameful if a woman gets raped or they feel that all woman are good for is domestic work so it would not matter very much.

EDIT: I can't remember if the citations go inside out outside of the quotes. You might want to check the MLA handbook.
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