ravvy
Joined: Jul 25, 2007
Location: Sam's Closet
Posts: 7929
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 Posted: April 25, 2008 7:54 pm Post subject: Anecdotes |
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find a funny story? want to share a top 10 list? heres the thread to do it in. have fun!!
heres mine...
Shrink answering machine
The telephone rings and an answering machine answers...
"Welcome to the psychiatric hotline."
If you are obsessive compulsive, please press one repeatedly.
If you are co-dependant, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid/delusional, we know who you are, what you want, just stay on the line so that we can trace your call.
If you are a schizophrenic, listen carefully, and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press...no one will answer anyways.
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Policework
A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife. "You just won't believe what happened this evening, in all my years in the force I've never seen anything like it."
"Oh, yes dear, what happened?"
"I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks."
"What did you do with them?"
"Oh that was easy. I charged one and let the other off."
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Why God never receives PhD
He had only one major publication.
It was in Hebrew.
It had no references.
It wasn't published in a refereed journal.
Some even doubt he wrote it by himself.
It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then?
The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
He never applied to the ethics board for permission to use human subjects.
When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects.
When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample.
He rarely came to class, just told students to read the book.
Some say he had his son teach the class.
He expelled his first two students for learning.
Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed his tests.
His office hours were infrequent and often held on limited access mountain tops.
No record of working well with colleagues.
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All I Really Need To Know I Learned from Noah and the Ark
1. Don't miss the boat.
2. Try to remember that we're all in the same boat.
3. Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark, you know.
4. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something REALLY big.
5. Don't listen to critics, just get on with what has to be done.
6. Build your future on high ground.
7. For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
8. Two heads are better than one.
9. Speed isn't always an advantage; after all, the snails were on board with the cheetahs.
10. When you're stressed, try floating awhile.
11. Remember that the ark was built by amateurs; it was the Titanic that was built by professionals.
12. Remember that woodpeckers inside are a larger threat than storms outside.
13. No matter what the difficulty, trust in the Almighty: There'll be a rainbow at the end of the storm.
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| I expect Potter will be reunited with dear Sirius before I am reunited with Lucius |
PWN3D |
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