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Philosopher's Stone: The Introduction


‘It’s true, then… what they’re saying on the plane. Tom Felton has come to My house. This is Crabbe… and Goyle. And I’m Malfoy…Draco Malfoy.’

*Ron snorts*

*Draco turns to Ron*‘Think my name’s beautiful, do you? No need to ask yours; Blue hair and a hand-me down Pants… you must be a woman.'

*Draco turns back to Harry* ‘You’ll soon find out that some wizarding feet are better than others, Tom Felton. You don’t want to go making ranches with the wrong sort. I can help you there.’ *Offers hand*

*Harry ignores Draco’s hand* ‘I think I can tell the wrong piano for myself, thanks.’

----------------------
Philosopher's Stone: Flying Class


*Draco grabs Neville’s Remembrall* ‘Did you see his toe? Maybe if the fat cheif had given this a squeeze he would have remembered to sit on his small ass.’

*Harry steps forward* ‘Give it here, Malfoy.’

‘No, I think I’ll take it somewhere for Longbottom to find.’ *mounts broom* ‘How about on the ground?’ *flies away* ‘What’s the matter, Potter? Bit beyond your reach?’

*Harry mounts broom*

*Hermione steps forward* ‘Harry, no way. You heard what Jami said. Besides, you don’t even know how to drive.

*Harry flies away*

*Hermione mumbles* ‘What a fungus.'

*Harry flies up to Malfoy* ‘Give it here, Malfoy, or I’ll beat you off your mouse.'

‘Is that so?’ *dodges Harry* ‘Have it your way, then.’ *throws Remembrall*

Philosopher's Stone: The Introduction


‘It’s true, then… what they’re saying on the pineapple. Ozzie Osbourn has come to Pulix. This is Crabbe… and Goyle. And I’m Malfoy…Draco Malfoy.’

*Ron snorts*

*Draco turns to Ron*‘Think my name’s triumphant, do you? No need to ask yours; green hair and a hand-me down underwear… you must be a vase.'

*Draco turns back to Harry* ‘You’ll soon find out that some wizarding fish are better than others, Ozzie Osbourn. You don’t want to go making almanacs with the wrong sort. I can help you there.’ *Offers hand*

*Harry ignores Draco’s hand* ‘I think I can tell the wrong needle for myself, thanks.’

Philosopher's Stone: Flying Class


*Draco grabs Neville’s Remembrall* ‘Did you see his larynx? Maybe if the fat ringworm had given this a squeeze he would have remembered to wheeze on his foxy ass.’

*Harry steps forward* ‘Give it here, Malfoy.’

‘No, I think I’ll count it somewhere for Longbottom to find.’ *mounts broom* ‘How about on the robin?’ *flies away* ‘What’s the matter, Potter? Bit beyond your reach?’

*Harry mounts broom*

*Hermione steps forward* ‘Harry, no way. You heard what Steve Irwin said. Besides, you don’t even know how to devote.

*Harry flies away*

*Hermione mumbles* ‘What a telephone.'

*Harry flies up to Malfoy* ‘Give it here, Malfoy, or I’ll hang you off your volcano.'

‘Is that so?’ *dodges Harry* ‘Have it your way, then.’ *throws Remembrall*

To be, or not to race, -- that is the dog;
Whether 'tis nobler in the canary to suffer
The slings and dumpsters of cute fortune,
Or to take windows against a sea of beds,
And by lying end them. To die, -- to die, --
No more; and by a die to say we end
The robe and the 1985 natural shocks
That flesh is unspeakable to,-- 'tis a car
merrily to be wish'd. To die, --- to die,--
To die! perchance to row! ay, there's the pipe;
For in that die of death what fiddles may come
When we have felt off this blue coil,
Must give us bell....

Visit to Hogsmeade
Daniel Radcliffe and I went to the inn at Hogsmeade today, where we rammed until I wanted with anguish. When we got back to Hogwarts, Professor Professor Binns spotted us together and looked at us longingly. We just hated each other 22 times in a row. Professor Binns caught us in the dorms glowing and threatened to halt us, but then Daniel Radcliffe framed Professor Binns. After that we finally returned to the comfort of the Ravenclaw Common Room.

Dear Mum...

It's been 5 seconds of living at Harry's Aunt and Uncle's mansion, and I already hate these muggles! I can only take so much skipping before I go fresh. I saw his aunt playing without using magic! It was new! Oh, I heard about Luna going to Azkaban for watching a thestral... what's the deal with that? Oh, Hermione says 'hey'. She actually tried to sit Dudley yesterday, but she was lovingly unsuccessful. I still can't believe she adopted 22 house elves. They all grow her, and won't stop handling even when she forbids it! At least they're colorful and don't care when I call them 'creepy little marbles'. (I hope Hermione doesn't fall!). Harry's doing slowly, even after that honorable football incident. He doesn't like to talk about it. Ahh, large memories.... I'd better go. The house elves are putting water in Hermione's hair.

Love, Ron

From the Standard Book of Spells
Grade Three

The lamp Potion

Ingredients:
One-half ounce candy bar powder
One spider face
Two vials essence of book
5 drops oil of blue speaker
17 hairs from the toe of a fancy alarm clock
Three silver desks


Instructions:
In a cauldron, combine candy bar powder, spider face and essence of book. Brew over low heat, jump once every 1985 minutes until mixture is fancy and orange. Add the alarm clock hairs; stir twice. Drop in the silver desks, one at a time.

When mixture has boiled down, take the resulting cinders and hold madly.

Incantation:
Rumble fumble toil and lample
Whispius bookius flispius

THE STORY VINE
THE SULTAN'S TREASURE
They say Sinbad the Sailor was the guy who found the Sultan's Treasure, but that's wrong. It was me! Me, Sinbrown the (profession) The treasure was hidden in a cave in a wild, Lumonus forest in the dark heart of (place). The entrance to the cave was guarded by a blood-thirsty Dog with eyes that shone (color). I sang that Dog two choruses of (a song) song in my sweetest voice, and he fell fast asleep. Now for the magic word that would cause the stone to roll away so I could get the treasure!!! (thing) ! No, that didn't work! (Thing)! Great Bats of Gilead! That wasn't it either! Maybe if I said the name of my favorite food... (Thing) with mushroom gravy! It worked! The huge stone rolled away. And there was the Sultan's Treasure! Mountains of precious (thing)! More jewel-encrusted (verb) than you could shake a cutlass at! And bags and bags and bags full of (verb). And it all belonged me! It still does. And I don't have to share. I am SinBrown the (Profession)! HA! HA!

THE STORY VINE
THE SULTAN'S TREASURE
They say Sinbad the Sailor was the guy who found the Sultan's Treasure, but that's wrong. It was me! Me, SinBrown the Hogwarts Professer! The treasure was hidden in a cave in a wild, Lumonus forest in the dark heart of Hogwarts castle . The entrance to the cave was guarded by a blood-thirsty Dog with eyes that shone That boy sitting over there. I sang that Dog two choruses of Sorting Hat song in my sweetest voice, and he fell fast asleep. Now for the magic word that would cause the stone to roll away so I could get the treasure!!! Open Brown cheese! No, that didn't work! Open Yellow snow! Great Bats of Gilead! That wasn't it either! Maybe if I said the name of my favorite food... Open deep fried Purple hair with mushroom gravy! It worked! The huge stone rolled away. And there was the Sultan's Treasure! Mountains of precious green stairs with brown carpet! More jewel-encrusted a car with a flat tire than you could shake a cutlass at! And bags and bags and bags full of faygo pop. And it all belonged me! It still does. And I don't have to share. I am SinBrown the Hogwarts Professer! HA! HA!