As usual, Rorschach’s powers are startling, beautiful, original, wholly inimitable. The book bears the mark of genius on every page.
~ Boston Globe/Liz Rosenberg
If you read only one piece of fiction this year, read Rorschach’s miraculous story. Harry Potter and the Plot to Corrupt the World is miraculous for the power, brilliance and beauty of the writing, and for the very wholeness of the work, despite its being less than half the 1,000 pages its author intended.
~ The Globe And Mail/ Janice Kulyk Keefer
A magnificent story of the insidious devastation of occupation, and Rorschach is brilliant and heroic, summoning up profound empathy for all, including regretful Death Eaters. Everything about this transcendent story is miraculous
~Booklist/ Donna Seaman
There's a feverish intensity to this one that doesn't let up, with racial and sexual conundrums piling up like so much tinder on the protagonist's overheated emotions.
~ Entertainment Weekly/ Tom Sinclair
Beyond the backdrop of the riots, the question of color is intricately and masterfully woven into the fabric of the story without overwhelming the mystery.
~ Library Journal/ Michael Rogers
Harry Potter and the Plot to Corrupt the World works so well because it operates on two distinct levels: as a compelling cat-and-mouse game and as a dead-eyed examination of the injustices inherent in racism.
Harry awoke after partying all night in order to get over his failed attempt to blow up the Earth. He had a killer hangover from all the tequila he drank and all the cocaine he had sniffed. He looked around and noticed that all the hookers he had hired were still asleep, apparently because of a spell Harry’s boyfriend had mistakenly cast while trying to open a jar of pickles. Harry was quite upset but not upset enough to break up with his boyfriend, the one and only, Ron Weasley.
Harry: Where the hell are you Ron!? Answer me before I cast a severuspooperilea spell on this whole castle!
A large figure, approximately 11.5 feet tall, appeared crashing through the stone walls separating Harry from the slave chambers. He had long curly hair and a beard the size of Mount Rushmore. He also smelled like chocolate ice-cream with some strawberry.
Ron: Yes Master Harry? What is it you wish from me?
Harry looked angry and was upset at Ron’s lack of noticing the obvious, but this is also what Harry found attractive about Ron.
Harry: Never mind. Let’s get drunk and play pinball!
Ron looked nervous as he began to open his mouth. Harry looked like a pimp about to cast a spell with his magic wand, but just then Samuel L. Jackson came crashing through the roof in one of his vintage planes, that was not yet infected with snakes.
Harry: Who dares interrupt my snuggle time with Ron!?
Samuel L. Jackson: Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfu**g Wizards on this motherfu***g planet!
Harry: Oh have you now!?
Samuel L. Jackson: You better believe it punk! I’m going to take your ass to Wizard jail where they’re going to lock you up and beat so much shit out of you that we’re going to have to pump it all into again just to keep alive!
Harry: Oh! You dar…
But before Harry can finish his sentence, he receives a punch in the stomach coming at 10353 miles per hour, courtesy of Samuel L. Jackson.
Samuel L. Jackson: Shut your mouth boy! No one starts talking shit till I say it’s okay! You understand the hell I’m saying? Well do you punk!
Harry still recovering Samuel L. Jackson from that amazing punch from Samuel L. Jackson is unable to speak and continues having a seizure.
Ron: What have you done to my Harry!
Samuel L. Jackson: Shut your mouth boy! You nothing but a hairy tall man who can’t get no loving from anybody other than Mr. Potter here. And the only reason that shit is going down is because he’s using you for your shit!
Ron: It’s not true!
Ron begins to cry and dials a number on his phone.
Ron: Please help! We you here ASAP! Please!
Samuel L. Jackson: Who the hell are you calling!?
Just then a skinny figure with long blonde hair materialized several feet behind Samuel L. Jackson and started walking towards to him… _________________
The skinny figure started approaching Samuel L. Jackson from behind at a rapid pace without making any sound but just as the figure was about to stab him with a shadow knife, Samuel grabbed the figure’s arm quicker than the human eye could see and threw the figure several feet away from him. The figure managed to do a flip while in mid-air and landed on its feet.
Ron appeared to very happy and enthusiastic that this figure had appeared. It was clearly the person that he had called for help.
Samuel L. Jackson: You! I thought they put your ass in jail!
The figure started to laughs uncontrollably as if amused by Samuel L. Jackson’s pure awesomeness. Then without warning fifteen male stripers fell out from the inside of the figures pants! Yes! There could only be one person who would have fifteen men inside of her! It was non other than Lord Voldermort’s mistress, Paris Hilton!
Paris Hilton: I’m an actress, a brand, a businesswoman. I’m all kinds of stuff. People are going to judge me: "Paris Hilton, she uses money to get what she wants." Whatever, I haven't accepted money from my parents since I was 18. I've worked my ass off. I have things no heiress has. I've done it all on my own, like a hustler.
Samuel L. Jackson: Then I’m just going to have to kick your skinny little ass until you realize you’re noting but a spoilt little brat who sleeps around! You ready to mess with this shit, you assclown!
Paris Hilton: Oh, Mr. Jackson. You won’t be kicking anyone’s ass after I give you herpes!
Samuel L. Jackson: The hell?
Paris Hilton: I got my eye on you boy, and when I get my eye on something, it's like search and destroy.
Ron runs up to Samuel L. Jackson in an attempt to distract him but ends up getting a bullet through his ass. Paris takes this opportunity to try and give Samuel L. Jackson herpes. She runs towards him and attempts to give him a kiss but his sheer awesomeness defies her advances and sends her flying towards Harry, who had at this point recovered.
Harry: Well played Mr. Jackson. I will surely kill you the next time we meet!
And with those words Harry summoned his broom (which now looked like a Ferrari), grabbed hold of Paris Hilton and flew off.
Samuel L. Jackson: Damn this shit! Looks like I’m going to have to call for backup.
Then Samuel began to hear some strange moans. He turned around and saw Ron lying on the floor, still bleeding from the ass.
Ron: Ha..rr..y.. he…
Samuel L. Jackson didn’t feel sorry for Ron at all. He knew this was the fate for all of Harry’s lovers. Sooner or later they’d all end up getting shot through the ass.
Samuel: I told you boy! He was only after your shit.
And those were the last words Ron heard, he then died of profuse bleeding. Just then Samuel L. Jackson’s cell phone started ringing. He immediately answered it.
Samuel L. Jackson: Who this?
Chris Tucker: Heeeey! What’s up baby!?
The voice of his longtime friend quickly put a smile on Samuel’s face.
Chris Tucker: Now I’ve been hearing a lot of things about this Harry Potter case you’ve being working on and I just want you to know that I found out where his friend Mrs. Granger has been hiding out. Now if you meet me at our regular spot we can work out a plan and bust her ass.
Samuel was very glad to receive such good news. Hermione Granger had been wanted for multiples counts of smuggling heroine, she believe it was her right as she had a similar name as the drug.
Samuel L. Jackson: That’s good news! I’ll meet you at our regular spot but first I got to go pick up a friend.
Chris Tucker: You do what you gotta do dawg! Tucker, out.
As the line was cut, Samuel boarded his plane and began to leave the castle. When he had reached a high enough altitude he fired missiles at Potter’s former castle, destroying it and killed all the hookers inhabiting it.
Samuel now had to go pick up an old friend before meeting Chris Tucker, but then his plane started to talk to him.
KIT: Samuel. I have some bad news.
Samuel L. Jackson: What is it KIT?
KIT: It’s the Dursley’s, Samuel. They were all killed several minutes ago. It appears that Harry Potter had managed to kill them while you were on the phone.
Samuel L. Jackson: Damn it!
This was not good news. The Dursley’s were planning on testifying against Harry Potter, which would have put him behind bars for a long time. They had proof that he was one of the word’s largest cocaine dealers, but with them dead, Samuel knew that things had gotten a whole lot more complicating… _________________
My lord.. WOW u should consider becoming a story writer.
And im sure this will get u loads of votes in the polls _________________ ^ words by a wise man
Samuel L. Jackson had just been told that the key witness who were going to testify against Harry Potter, the Dursleys, were found murdered in their home. He knew that Harry was behind the killings but he had no way of proving it. He decided to let it for now, but he knew that sooner or later he had to go investigate. He also realized that the following paragraph made no sense whatsoever, and with that realization he flew his plane to pick up a friend…
Meanwhile…in another Universe….
A large imposing figure rises from its slumber, behind it lay three other figures who also started to arise. The first figure was mostly purple with an antenna on it’s head, the second figure was mostly green and had a straight dipstick on it’s head, the third figure was mostly yellow and had an curly antenna on it’s head, the fourth and final figure was mostly red and had a short antenna with a circle top. Then each figure opened their mouths, as if to say something.
“Tinky Winky”
“Dipsy”
“Laa-Laa”
“Po”
Yes my friends, your eyes do not deceive you. The Teletubbies
are indeed in da house.
Just then the Teletubbies monitor, lit up. It was Harry Potter, he had contacted them to congratulate them on a job well done, but whatever could that job be?
Harry Potter: Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Laa-Laa, and Po. I must congratulate you on a job well done. No one is the wiser that the four of you were the ones who killed the Dursleys. I must say that the four of you are my greatest achievement ever.
Tinky Winky: Tiny Winky!
Harry Potter: Yes of course. You will receive your payment soon but first I need someone eliminated.
Tinky Winky: Tiny Winky! Tiny Winky!
Laa-Laa: Laa-Laa! Laa-Laa?
Harry Potter: Yes, it is that fiend. Samuel L. Jackson. It seems even infecting his planes with snakes couldn’t stop him. Yes, you heard me. Snakes on a plane couldn’t stop Samuel L. Jackson. I trust the four of you to this matter. Do you understand?
Dipsy: Dipsy.
Harry: Very good. Now I must go contact my other recruits. I will also be sending Lindsay Lohan to help you eliminate Samuel L. Jackson.
And with that the monitor self-destruct, leaving the Teletubbies with a mission they knew they had to accomplish for the sake of their master…
And with that we leave the Teletubbies Universe and go back to our friend Samuel L. Jackson.
Samuel L. Jackson was flying over the IRS. Harry Potter had framed a friend of Samuel’s with tax fraud and several other charges. Samuel L. Jackson knew he had to get his friend out of the IRS building before they killed him with paperwork. He put his plane into invisible mode and landed behind the IRS building. He then started to walk towards the entrance but the guards knew who he was and started to draw their guns… _________________
Hey I'm not trying to offend you or put you down. I'm being opinionated. I believe you have potential, this just isn't my thing. _________________ Draco Malfoy and *sniff...sob* Fred Weasly ♥
banner made by Kino
you really shouldn't, you have the writing skill of a 5th grader who watches too much MTV, if i could give you some professional advice it would be to find something better to do with your time, maybe take a grammar course or better yet just learn an new language because you have certainly failed at english.
just for the record i read a total of 6 lines in the last chapter before stopping....
oh but keep up the good work, nothing like wasting the time of those who decide to read this crap! _________________ forever the greatest wizard of all time
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