I'm not sure what to name it yet, but I'd really enjoy input on how I could improve my writing.
This is my first fanfic, but please don't go easy on me.
"The door shut firmly, and the girl looked around. Her green eyes reflected off the morning light that crept between the cracks of the doors and windows. She scanned the room three times, as if to make sure nobody was there. Then, something caught her attention
In a corner that had not been illuminated yet by the rising sun, there sat a boy, not moving. She slowly made her way toward the boy, cautious of every movement around her. She came within 5 feet of him, and she crouched down on her knees, her hand now holding a wand. Suddenly, the figure popped up, it, too holding a wand. They stared at each other intently for what seemed like hours, until the boy finally lowered his wand, and smiled.
Lily smiled, as well, and immediately embraced the boy. "Albus! It's been so long!" Lily said, smiling. It had, in fact, been quite a few months since she had last seen her brother, Albus. He had spent the summer with the Weasley family, in Romania. "I've missed you so much!" She said shortly afterwards.Albus smiled, and nodded, "I've missed you, too, sis. How are mum and dad?" He said excitedly. "Splendid," she replied almost at once, "they've missed you quite a bit."
Without another word, they moved down into the Great Hall where people were just starting to settle in, mostly students from Ravenclaw and Gryffindor. In fact, the Slytherin table was completely empty, and the Hufflepuff table had no more than 5 students at it. Lily and Albus sat down beside each other. This was Lily's 3rd year at Hogwarts, and Albus' fifth. They both grabbed a little breakfast, and started exchanging their summer stories.
The two of them remained with each other, completely isolated for half an hour, when someone sat down beside Lily. "Hi James," she said enthusiastically, I've found Albus! She chuckled and pointed to her brother, who was slightly dirty from the floor. He looked at his brother and waved, "nice summer?" he asked. "I've had better," he sighed. "Valencia and I are fighting, and I think she might end it any day now.." He frowned and looked at the door to the great hall. A blonde haired girl walked through the doors, carrying the newest copy of The Quibbler. She looked at James, and frowned back at him.
Albus welcome Valencia to the seat next to him. Valencia Lovegood was in her 4th year of school, an aspiring journalist, she was very bright. She had her mother's dreamy look, and shared her interest in... strange... creatures. She looked at Lily and slipped her a note which read "Meet me in the common rooms tonight. I need to talk to you"
Lily looked up at Valencia and nodded, and smiled. "Has anyone seen Hugo," asked James, in desperate hopes of breaking the awkward silence. "Last I saw him he said he wasn't feeling well," said Lily. "I think I'm going to go lie down myself. I'm far too tired to be up at this hour." She laughed and got up and proceeded to the common rooms. The others broke up behind her. As Lily was going up to the Old Lady, she paused as she heard a strange noise from behind her. She turned around and saw Scorpius Malfoy approaching, smirking.
"Hello, Potter," he spat. "Fancy seeing you here." She glared at him, and muttured, "What business do you have here?" And almost like clockwork he pulled out his wand and muttured Reducto, sending her flying against the wall, knocking her out. He picked her up and took her to the Slytherin common room, where Draco awaited the two."
Thanks for reading, more to come soon =]
Last edited by Sartre on August 12, 2007 10:02 pm; edited 4 times in total
James and Albus were walking slowly towards Hagrid's hut. The morning was still young, and the temperature almost perfect.
"So, what happened?" asked Albus.
"Val' thinks I was cheating on her," replied James.
Albus stopped almost dead in his tracks. He looked over at James and laughed "What makes her think that," he chuckled. James shrugged, and they continued onward to Hagrid's Hut.
As they approached the shack, Hagrid slammed open the door.
"Ello boys!" He screamed unintentionally, looking worried. "Sorry, but I can't really talk right now, bit of.... inconvenience on the grounds," he was now advancing towards Hogwarts at a quick pace. The two of him followed, their curiosity now aroused. "I'd go back to the common rooms if I were you," he muttured under his breath, looking around cautiously. They looked at each other, and nodded, and started sprinting toward the common rooms.
They quickly reached the common rooms, and screamed the password so loudly that the people in the Great hall could probably hear it. They entered the room and saw Valencia coming towards them.
"Have you seen Lily?" She said, looking frightened. "McGonnagall called us all here from the Great Hall, so I came here to check on Lily and she's not there! I'm really worried something's happened." She looked around, with tears in her eyes.
Albus and James both pulled their wands out and went back out of the common rooms. They first looked in the Great Hall, but it was deserted, except for a few people who were now rushing their things together. They then decided to look for McGonnagall.
Everywhere they decided to look turned up in no positive results. They checked everywhere they could imagine. Then, they decided to head back toward the common rooms again. On their way they met McGonnagall. She looked worried.
"Professor, have you seen Li--" James was cut off.
"No! She's nowhere to be found!" She said, frantically. The 2 boys looked at each other and sighed. "Follow me," said the professor. They followed her to the Slytherin common room, and she said, slightly over normal tone, "Neville!"
Immediately they door flew open and a tall, skinny man stepped out of the door. He looked rough, his hair messed up, and his robes slightly torn.
"We've failed to capture him," He said panting, looking behind him. "He's taken a student." He looked at James and Albus, and patted them on the back, then slowly made his way back to his study. McGonnagall then proceeded in escorting the two boys back to the common rooms.
Half way up the tower, Albus sighed, looked around as if he had saw something interesting, and eventually dropped his head down. James sped up to Minerva and whispered in her ear,
"Who's taken Lily?" She looked at him and said "Seems an old enemy of your fathers," she paused slightly, "Draco Malfoy."
James gasped, and immediately stopped, which caused the still-sulking Albus to bump into him.
"Sorry," he said, depressingly. "Did you NOT hear that," he bellowed at the top of his lungs "Draco has taken Lily!" Albus quickly raced towards the common rooms, without another word.
"Sirius!" He yelled as he approached the portrait. And the door flew open. Valencia jumped up off the sofa, looking at Albus, she wiped her tears away and asked if they had found anything out.
"D- Drac- Draco took her" he panted. She plopped down on the couch and tears started coming out of her eyes again.
"What are you going to do?" She asked as McGonnagall walked in a few moments later. "We've sent half of the order out to find her. We managed to get a few spells off on him, but it didn't seem to do him any harm. She should be back shortly," she said, worridly.
She gently stepped out of the common rooms. The three waited for some time before Valencia finally said "Why would Draco want to take Lily?"
Albus was looking down at the floor again. "That's a good question," he finally said. Albus thought that his parents might know what the reason was behind this mysterious vanishing, so he decided to send out an owl, requesting Harry and Hermione to visit the school.
A few hours had passed, and it was now late at night. The common room door slowly creeped open, and in came two wizards, in their mid thirties.
"Dad! Mom!" Albus and James yelled, and went running towards the two. They looked tired, and very sleepy, but they amazingly strained a smile.
"What's going on?" Asked Hermione, finally.
James and Albus shrugged, and both looked down.
We've been out looking for her since the moment we were notified." Harry said, thinking hard. "Why would Draco take her?" He asked himself, and gently sat down in one of the chairs.
By this time Valencia was being comforted by James. After a while of talking between them, Harry and Hermione promised them that they would notify the lot if they found anything out, and without saying goodbye, they apparated. Albus decided he would go up to the boys dorm, which left Valencia and James alone.
"I'm sorry," said Valencia. James smiled and accepted her apology, and hugged her. They were silent for what seemed like ages. Their eyes didn't break contact with each other, until finally Valencia closed her eyes and laid down gently.
"I'm tired," she yawned. James nodded to her and laid down beside her, gave her a peck on the cheek, and put his arm over her.
"Accio blanket" He said, and a rather large, ratty blanket hovered from the boys dormitory. "Thanks" Valencia said, half asleep. James whispered "Good night," and the two fell asleep peacfully.
Almost finished with the third chapter.
Last edited by Sartre on August 13, 2007 3:46 pm; edited 1 time in total
it's interesting but confusing...not quite sure what's going on - maybe it will be clearer in the 3rd chapter. _________________ The boy who lived marries the wrong girl.
The girl whom he loves can not be his.
Harry, and Hermione...shoulda been!
ok, we wait....calmly _________________ The boy who lived marries the wrong girl.
The girl whom he loves can not be his.
Harry, and Hermione...shoulda been!
Ah i see now....Try size _________________
"Foolish Brother, If you want to kill me..then hate...Spite and survive Pathetically, Run and Run, and cling desperately to Life"
James woke up alone the next morning. He sat up, and briefly stared into the fireplace. After a few moments, he was finally able to comprehend what had happened the day before. Lily had been taken from Hogwarts by Draco, and she obviously had yet to return. Hoping for the best, he went up to to dormitories, and looked for Albus, who was still asleep. He wasn't sure what he should do. Harry and Hermione had said that they'd contact them the moment they heard something, but there had been no word.
"Where is Valencia?" he asked himself, walking slowly down the stairs from the boys dormitory, keeping very silent. He sat down in a chair by the fireplace, and sat alone, trying to collect this thoughts.
It had been hours, and James was still sitting alone. Nobody had walked in or out of the common room. It was like the whole school had vanished. He decided, in a feeble attempt to get the horrible thoughts out of his mind, that he'd go down to the Great Hall and talk to Valencia.
The trip to the great hall seemed to take no time. He walked in, and there were two people sitting in the middle table. It was McGonnagall and Valencia.
"Hello, Potter," said McGonnagall, "Good sleep?" She smiled as she said this.
"I've had better," He yawned, "Any word on Lily yet?"
Valencia sighed, started eating another piece of bacon.
"None," the old professor said, "But your parents did leave you a parcel" She beamed as she said this, and picked up a nicely wrapped package. There was a letter attached the parcel.
"I no longer have any use for this, but I'm sure in the near future, you will.."
James quickly opened the package. Something fluid and silvery gray went slithering to the floor where it lay in gleaming folds.
James picked up the shining, silvery cloth off the floor. It was strange to the touch, like water woven into material. James looked at McGonnagall, puzzled.
"Ah yes," she said, "This proved very useful to your father." She was staring intently at James, now. "Try it on," She said smiling.
He did so, and was immediately amazed.
He looked down, and his body had disappeared. Valencia half choked on her food, and, somehow coughed out the words "What is it!?"
"That's an invisibility cloak, a very special one," said the professor. "It has helped your father in countless occasions. I expect It will do the same for you."
James thanked Professor McGonagall for delivering the package for him, and placed the cloak on the table. As he did so, a snowy white owl zoomed through the window, and dropped a letter on the cloak. It read:
"We've found her. She's at Malfoy Manor. He wants the wand and the cloak. We're attacking tonight.
Harry Potter"
McGonnagall looked at James grimly. "I think it's best that you get Albus and Hugo, and meet Valencia and myself back here"
He nodded, and raced off toward the common rooms.
A few moments later, the three boys reapearred in the great hall. Hugo's bright red hair was still scruffy, but Albus' was perfectly neat.
"Now then," said McGonnagall "Your parents have asked me to keep you safe, so you will all be kept in the Room of Requirement until this ordeal has been settled. I expect all three of you to stay there until I come back for you." She exchanged glances between the 4 of them. They all looked scared, but nodded simultaneously.
"Very well," she said, and led them to the Room where they would be spending the next 24 hours in.
As they approached the wall, a door appeared, and the 5 of them walked through it. The room was exactly like the Gryffindor common rooms, without the Dormitories. It had 5 beds against the 4 different walls. There was a fireplace that looked freshly stacked with firewood, and a couch stood in front of it.
McGonnagall nodded, and turned to leave the room. As she was half way through the door, she turned and looked back.
"Potter, I fear we have far more to worry about than this.."
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