Hey there,
This is the only complete fan-fiction I have ever written and I'd like to share it with YOU! Please post your comments about what you think. Note: This story contains homosexuality and some strong language. (I really tried to remove all of the strong language and in some places there are only stars.) Please enjoy....
A NATURAL MISTAKE
by Sergei
“We have to talk.”
“Hermy-own-ninny, we have to talk.” Viktor Krum looked Hermione Granger straight in the eye as he said this; it was the least he could do. Hermione looked surprised; Viktor was obviously uneasy, which was something bizarre considering he frequently played quittich in front of thousands of people. What did one person matter? “Certainly Viktor. Now is as good a time as any.” Viktor gazed around the Leaky Cauldron, unmistakably equivocal and high-strung. He gulped and looked over at her. “Could we go somewhere more private?” Hermione nodded, albeit quizzically. The went up the petite staircase to the guest rooms and took one that was empty. Viktor closed the door after them. Hermione turned forthwith. “So Viktor, what do we need to talk about?” Viktor cowered. He had never spoken to anyone on this matter. It seemed nobody would understand. Viktor gulped and began his story. “You see, this past summer i made a mistake. Well, it wasn’t really a mistake but it...just...felt...natural.” Hermione nodded, listening to his constrained speech. “And what was this ‘natural mistake’ as you called it?” Viktor sighed; it was going to be a long afternoon.
Well, the mistake didn't really start during the summer...it started during spring break. In the week-long break Viktor had taken the train back to the city. one night, all by himself he had gotten lost and gone into a wizard nightclub. The people were charming, the music was hot and he found someone special among the crowd. Christof was tall, handsome and could keep the conversations flowing de rigueur. Not to mention that he and Viktor both enjoyed each other’s company in a established way that is only expressed by intimate partners. As they lay on a bed in one of the guest rooms Christof looked deep into Viktor’s unfathomable, opaque eyes. “Time to go to sleep, Mr. Sissyfag!” Viktor looked up in surprise. “But i’m not a sissyfag; I play quittich, remember?” Christof laughed heartily. “Oh yeah? Isn’t there a time when you see a hot guy and want to f*** him silly?” Viktor blushed. Christof laughed again, more hysterically this time. “But you do, don’t you?” he asked imploringly. Viktor gave him a cryptic look. “Yes but it’s wrong!” Christof looked back at him, quiet flabbergasted. “There’s nothing wrong, it’s just how you feel.” They spent only few more moments discussing the subject of homosexual preference before moving on to other more intimate activities.
Viktor awoke late the next day, feeling as though he had some kind of hangover. He had to be at school the next day and the long train ride back wasn’t going to help anything. He was glad that Christof wasn’t there to see him looking so bad; the young Don Juan had already left, going to his school of choice.
As Viktor sat alone in the train cabin, guilt took over him. What they had done after, after they had put on condoms, had been shameful. I am not a virgin, Viktor thought, and he flinched. What they had done was servile but oh gosh, what monumental euphoria and what arousal Viktor had felt when he had lost his virginity. The feelings that had been conjured up by it were unbelievable. And so natural. Viktor glanced up at his bag held high in the luggage rack. Inside was the emerald green sweater that Hermione had sent him for christmas. Maybe if I put that on, all these feelings will go away and I will be free of guilt, Viktor said to himself. He carefully pulled the bag down from the luggage rack. and undid the clasp. Inside was the green sweater, a few books and an peculiarly shaped, squarish box wrapped in royal blue christmas paper, complete with a silver bow. He dumped the bag’s contents haphazardly on the bench in front of him and picked up the wrapped box. It was light but when he shook it he heard a slipping sound, like paper rubbing together. He ripped through the first layer of paper, only to find a small note. Scrabbly writing was poorly scrawled across the paper:
If you ever want to do it, you might need these. Ha Ha ha! Please enjoy, Christof
Viktor read the note twice before dropping it and looking at the package it had covered. His hands shook so much that he almost dropped the package: MEN’S CONDOMS
Hermione listened to Viktor’s coming-out story in a state of paralyzed foreboding and trauma. The person she had loved a few moments ago had just disclosed to her his homosexuality. Viktor finished story by saying that he was going to tell his parents as soon as he returned to Bulgaria. Hermione gazed out the window and down onto Diagon Alley. It was chockablock with customers because of the fair weather. She let Viktor’s voice hang in the air, a voice she would never stop doting upon, but one that could never return her love. She earnestly looked back into Viktor’s dark eyes and let him lead her downstairs. Once in the entranceway Viktor donned his cloak and traipsed towards the door. “Viktor!” Hermione called out to him. Her turned to face her. “Yes?” “I just wanted to say that I support you.” He smiled his mesmeric smile. “Thanks.” He leaned forward, kissed her effortlessly on the cheek and walked outside, only to dissolve in the horde of holidaying witches and wizards. _________________ "Of course I care about you....that's exactly why I want you dead" -R.M.
ha ha ha ha
Ye Gods that was so funny.
I sorta feel sorry for Krum, it can not been very easy for him to come out and say it, mind you I always thaought he was gay
Anyways about what you couldhave done to make it better I think you should have starteda new line for every different person who was talking. It kinda spaces everything out and makes it easier to read, less intimidating that way
Anyways I thought it was funny _________________ "WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORENCE IS STRENGHTH" - "1984" By George Orwell
It's pretty good and realistic, but some of the technical stuff could use some work, like when a new person speaks you need to make a new paragraph- and there was one typo I could see- look again at quidditch in the first paragraph.
Other than that it was good- these mistakes are pretty easy to fix. The writing itself is good and makes an interesting read.
Sorry I just got around to reading and reviewing this.
I honestly thought it was a good story. It had a great concept and was composed quite well. Most of the errors I saw were nothing that a good beta couldn't iron out for you. I beta a lot of different stuff and love slash, so if you ever need one, you can look me up.
Otherwise, I love your writing syle! _________________ I have no words of wisdom to put here, so I figured I'd just fill it with junk.
Clicky!
Tessa's right, that's basically all there is to a beta. You give them your chapter or story and they go through, correcting your mistakes, such as typos, capitalization (a lot of canon words are capitalized, while some aren't), spelling, etc. If you request it, they can also tell you if you kept a character, or characters, in character with canon, or even help you with your plot, or let you know if an idea is coming across. _________________ I have no words of wisdom to put here, so I figured I'd just fill it with junk.
Clicky!
hahaha yess krum likes dudes. that's one thing that has always been lacking from HP. there was no homosexuality in the books. i say, embrace it! i like your style and i think it was a really interesting idea you came up with. i look forward to a continuation of this story (that is, if you feel like it)
I think your story is good, you express yourself well. I agree with the other posts that each time a person speaks in your story, there should be a new paragraph and the actual words they speak in quotes. It helps the story flow better.
I'm having trouble finding Krum being gay. Not that he couldn't be. I just remember in Deathly Hallows when he's at Bill and Fleur's wedding and he's upset that all the good looking girls are taken. That in my mind makes him liking girls, not boys. But to each his own.
Keep up with your good ideas. _________________ Hermione: "Everything's going to change. Isn't it?"
Harry: "Yes!"
lol, that's pretty funny. _________________ "If it looks like we were scared to death, just a couple of kids trying to save each other. You should've seen it in color."
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