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Samantha was miserable. How could this happen to her? Her brother dead, twins left with her when her life had just seemed to be looking on the bright side. She sighed; life seemed to always be like this for her. She couldn’t just leave the kids she knew that. She’d be a horrible person and she’d also never forgive herself for it. She sighed as she pulled up to the house, glancing over at the trees momentarily; she got out of the car and went to the backseat door. With her head tilted to one side she opened the door slowly so she could reach in and get the to carriages. She needed to be careful, as they hadn’t been spotless when they came out of the hospital after the crash. They were both a little cut up and only being a week old made them fragile, especially because they were babies who happened to be fragile from the start.

When she had both carriages in her firm grip she turned and used her foot to kick the door into place, shut, as most people would put it. She walked up the gravel, the ground loud underneath her careful steps. When at the wooden deck she carefully stepped up each pine step at a time, she couldn’t be more cautious when she had children in the area. It annoyed some but it was just how she was. Putting Nicholas’s carriage down softly, she pulled out the keys that she had put in her purse and unlocked both locks on the door. Picking Nicholas’s carriage back up she walked into the house and put both babies down.

They were asleep, their faces looking peaceful and she just want to bend down and cry. That wasn’t like her but their faces were reminding her of her brother more than ever. She hadn’t been to close but the saying ‘you don’t know what you’ve got ‘till it’s gone’ kept creeping past her thoughts. It was heart breaking, she’d never been to close to him but he was still one of the only family members she had. Camelle was someone who could also be seen in the babies’ faces. Even though she’d only set eyes on her no more than four times she could see it. She had made plans to go down to the place where she was being held while she was in her coma. She knew it could last as short as a week or long as three years.
Stretching of the tiny, pale arms came from one of the carriages and she noticed she was pacing when she stopped to look over at them. It was Riley, Nicholas was still sleeping soundlessly but she could see that an outburst of tears was going to be coming from Riley. Her nose was wrinkled and her eyes were opening. Samantha went and flicked a light on so she could see everything in the room. It was late at night when she had gotten the call telling her the news; therefore she hadn’t been able to get them cribs. She would have to go to her brothers’ house in the morning and pick up the stuff they had bought for them.

Sighing, she picked Riley up gently and rocked her in her arms while she started to sway back and forth herself, humming a lullaby she had remembered her mom used to hum to her brother, not her, just Jason. Her family history wasn’t the best as she was always the least liked, it seemed, so she decided she would treat Riley and Nicholas the same. She didn’t want them to live the life she did.

As she now walked to the kitchen, she took out some of the bottles she had laying around from babysitting friends’ kids and put some formula in it, using only one hand. She was lucky for the fact that she was ambidextrous. She then picked it up and walked over to the microwave. This was going to take some getting used to, she knew that but still she was going to miss her life where she had only one person to worry about; herself.

The easy life, as she liked to call it, but that was now over. She’d have to live with that, these babies were all she had for family and she was all they had. She sighed; putting the bottle in the microwave she remembered, she didn’t know how long to put it on for. She hesitantly pressed what she thought it should be and the pressed the start button. Her eyes widened, she had left Nicholas unsupervised in the other room! She held Riley’s head nice and secure and ran quietly into the other room. The next sigh was from relief. He was still sleeping, not having moved an inch from the last time she set her eye on him. She was glad to think that it was safe to leave them alone for more than a second.

Hearing the sound of the microwave made her jump slightly, as she turned back around and went to get the bottle quickly. She tested it on her arm and was surprised to see that it was what she thought would be good for Riley and Nicholas to have. She couldn’t feed them herself so this was the best she could really do. Moving around the nipple of the bottle she put it in Riley’s mouth.

She started to drink it automatically she seemed thirsty. Knowing that Nicholas would be hungry also, she went and sat down so Riley could drink hers before she made another one. She grabbed the blanket that she had placed down on the couch and placed it over her shoulder for after.

Once finished it seemed that Riley was sleepy again. She was glad about this fact, as it would give her time to organize things. All this time while she had been thinking about her brother’s death she had been feeling like crying, their was one problem, though. She hadn’t cried in ten years or more, it seemed she was unable to cry. This fact made her want to cry, too. The fact that she seemed unable to upset her, made her angry. She didn’t like the new sense of emotions that washing through her at the moment.

Her life before the accident earlier that night had been what she thought was perfect, but obviously, in other people’s views it wouldn’t be perfect. She enjoyed the location of her house, her few friends, and the quiet sensation that she had. All of that now seemed gone.

Putting Riley back in her carriage she stretched her arms; both babies sleeping, needing rest was getting to her. As she laid down on the couch she was soon asleep, forgetting about the fact that everything seemed to have been going wrong.

As I ran the comb through my hair for the tenth time, I heard the knock on my door that I knew had to be my mom telling me that I was going to be late for school. Putting the brush down and running my finger through my hair one last time I walked out of the bathroom, pulled on a tank top and jeans and opened my door. She was standing right there in front of my door and I just shrugged at her and ducked under her arm that was blocking my way.

Ever since I could remember she had liked Nicholas more than I, why? Well I only wondered. She would never tell me anything when I asked but when Nick asked something, oh, well that was a different story. Walking into the kitchen, I ignored Nicholas who was at the table already with waffles in front of him. He didn’t acknowledge me either but I knew he was aware that I was near him.

Over the years, as I grew up I always wondered if he was really even my brother, he looked like me but I liked to think that he wasn’t. It just made life easier for me, to think that he only got spoiled because he was not actually part of their family, that he was an adopted child who got his way because of that. That was my dream world alright.

“Riley, you can’t take so long in your bathroom.” Mom told me as she walked into the kitchen. I grinned to myself but hid it for when I turned in my chair.

“It was only as long as needed, mother.” I replied. She didn’t need an explanation, why would she? I was a girl; I need my time in the bathroom.

“Well, other people need to use it to.”
“And now they can.” Arguing with mom was so easily it was almost pointless. I could see Nicholas grinning from where he was; this seemed to be his daily entertainment, how sad.

She let it go for now but I was sure it might come up at dinner. Too bad I wasn’t planning on being there. “Mom, tonight I’m going to Blake’s.” I told her as I got up and placed my plate in the dishwasher.

“You can’t! I’m going over there to hang with Oliver.” Nicholas complained. He usually didn’t intrude on my plans but this was going to make me mad if she let him go and now I. I gave him a dark look, as the words I was looking for seemed to appear on mom’s face.

“Well, last time you got your way and now its Nick’s turn.” She spoke. Bang, theirs my q. I felt my face go red but as I breathed out I felt a plan cooking inside my head.

“Okay, I’ll be here then.” I told her, nodding as I picked up my bag as walked out of the room. I took in the glance of my mom’s shocked fact as I left and I could almost hear Nick’s mouth hit the ground, I never gave up that easy, and I hadn’t given up. Not yet. I had a plan, like always, and it would involve showing up at home after school.

Fifteen minutes later, the bus arrived and I got up from the bench and hoped in. I headed straight to the back, sitting down and grinning. Nick came on soon after and sat with his friends that were already on the bus. How could he have friends? I asked myself. Only god knew.

The next stop was Blake’s. I patted the seat beside me anxiously as I saw her black hair ascending the steps and her pale hand waving at me. She always sat beside me but it really was that morning’s conversation that got me go get her over beside me quicker.
I wrinkled my nose in disgust as I saw her steal a glance at Nicholas before she sat down.

“He’s really not for you.” I told her as she placed her bag at her feet.
“But, he’s just, oh my.” Her statement was as it always was, a girl, my best friend, lost for words as she spoke of him. I didn’t get it, their was nothing special about my brother, nothing at all, from what I could see.
“Anyways, what’s with the anxiousness?” she asked and then she groaned. “You can’t come out tonight, right?”

I nodded, simply before I gestured to Nick’s seat. She knew how mom always seemed to let him get his way, even if he was the one who did something wrong. She made him look like a goody two shoes but he was nothing near it. Not that I thought I was an angel myself, it was hard to even picture that.

I told her my plan of sneaking out of the house so we could hang and she was all for it. She liked the fact that my brother was going to be at her house but she also liked the fact that she’d get to spend some more time with me. Being best friend, we never got to spend enough time with one another.

Our whispers had been in soft, quiet tones but I was sure that I saw Nick’s glance head our way once or twice. It was obvious that he had been listening in, he was just that nosey, but is also was a good thing, as he wouldn’t question me later about what I was doing out. The good thing about my brother was that he would never tell on me, I gave him a slight bit of credit for that.

After all my classes had gone by, slower than usual I got on the bus with Blake and waved good-bye as I walked out after Nicholas. Mom wasn’t home yet, she never was, and when I finally unlocked the door Nick spoke.

“Riley, what are you planning on doing tonight?” he asked, causal but guilty. He had been listening in or he would have gone straight to the blasting of his music.
“Is that really your business?” I questioned, raising my eyebrow a bit and giving him somewhat of the evil eye. He just rolled his eyes at me and waited.

“Yeah, like that is going to get me to cough it up.” He always tried the silent treatment on me; I hated it and he knew it. I was soon tapping my foot and he was just standing there looking down at me. I shrugged and walked away, closing my door behind me. Oh, how I loved having a lock on my door.

I heard him walk away muttering angry words under his breath. I grinned a triumphant grin and then walked over to my desk in the far corner of my room. My walls were a light shade of blue with bubbles that happened to be black and pink over top. It was nice and spaced out and it was my three favorite colors. The fits I had to throw to get it painted this way were worth it.

An hour later, mom came home. I heard her car keys being hung on the hooks, her coat being put on a hanger and then her soft footsteps as she took of her shoes and walked off to the kitchen to make supper. I decided to put my notebook down and go off to the kitchen to see what she was making; I had just noticed how much I was actually hungry.

“What’s for supper?” I asked, sniffing the air as I entered.
“Hot dogs.” Was her reply and I was glad she wasn’t facing me. I rolled my eyes at the first word, knowing it was coming. It was always hot dogs, or that’s what it seemed. It was Nicholas’s favorite. I doubted she even knew what my favorite food was. I always just let it go for her sake, not my own.

Mom was now just standing there, she felt the room was becoming awkward and I could tell. I wondered what she was thinking but I couldn’t tell, I wasn’t a mind reader. Walking out I went back to my room and I saw Nicholas watch me as I passed his room. I gave him the finger and grinned as I passed. He just shook his head laughing at me. Even though we were both now fifteen, we had been teasing each other for the last three years, or so, in that type of way. We got along but we did annoy each other frequently.

During supper it was quiet, not the usual atmosphere but it was. Everyone ate in silence and it seemed to me that mom was thinking hard, her face almost looked sympathetic as she caught her glance, but why? I didn’t let it bother me as it was obviously one of her random moments and their was obviously nothing I could do about it or I would know already.
The hard part was yet to come, actually getting away from her, and as Nicholas left the house and went to go to my room when an arm had me by the arm. It was mom, but what did she want? As I turned around, the look on her face was new to me. It was serious and deep down I saw she was hiding something. Would I find out?

As I looked up into moms face she looked troubled. This didn’t make any sense at all to me, what had I done that she had to grab me. I was very tempted to give her a dirty look for it and tell her to let go but I decided now wasn’t the time. I loosened my tense shoulders and she took that as a message that I would stay put and hear her out. She loosened her grip on my arm and put it on her hip.

We must have stood there for five minutes before she even opened her mouth to speak. I didn’t have all day and I was starting to get anxious. I stared at her ready to open my mouth to tell her to say what she had to say but when I opened my mouth she started to speak to me, her voice some-what apologetic.

“Riley, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you lately it’s, when I was told I was to raise you and your brother I promised myself I wouldn’t raise you like I was raised.” She sighed, and her face tightened. She’d said something she hadn’t meant to and I could tell, I heard her say the words that brought questions to my mind.

“What do you mean, mom?” I asked my eyebrows wrinkled towards my nose. “What do you mean by ‘told you had to raise me and Nicholas’?” I repeated the words with my own tone; I was surprised to hear was uneven. Mom hesitated and then looked behind her as if she was seeing if she could make a quick get a way. “Mom what did you mean?” I insisted looking at her, curiously.

“I meant when I found out I was pregnant.” She lied, her tone was also uneven but I didn’t see through it. She was good at hiding things. I took that as the reason and sighed.
“Its fine, mom.” I told her, shrugging keeping my eyes away from meeting hers. This conversation wasn’t over but as I left her there lost for her own words, I shut my door and locked it. I had changed my mind, I was staying home tonight, and so I headed to the phone by my bedside and dialed Blake’s number. I was glad that she answered on the first ring; I just wanted to sit here in the quiet space that was my room.

“What’s wrong?” she breathed into the phone, she knew I was canceling; I never called before I came. I just sighed and then decided to tell her a lie. How would I tell her the weird conversation I had just had with mom?

“Nothing, calm it, Blakie. I’m just not feeling too hot.” Lying was to easy when it came to people like Blake. She always believes me and leaves me feeling guilty it sucks.

After I hung up with her on the phone five minutes later I went over to my desk and picked up a pen and a notebook before I went and changed into pajama pants. I was a writer, I wrote everything that happened to me in this one special notebook, it was one I had a lock for and it was one that only I read.

I tapped my pen, once, twice and a third time before I touched the tip of it to the white notebook paper and wrote,

‘Life, how paths does it have?’ right at the top if my surprisingly neat writing. Then down below it, after I skipped a couple of lines I thought, what should I write? I was stick for works for the first couple of minutes but then it came to me, today I was going to write about the conversation I had with mom, but in some-what of hidden words just incase I accidentally left my notebook lying open of Nick tried to crack the lock; both which had happened before.

‘The whole world is spinning round, and then I make a sound. Looking once, I see you there. The shrug, roll your eyes and how you just keep walking hurt, until now. I got over it and my world got a little brighter but then you tell me why you do this, leaving me confused. I wanna know why you say those six words that send me into more confusion. Keeping my head in the dark, a mystery will be solved, and I will find out what you mean.’

As I wrote one particular word in handwriting I knew it was final. I was going to be playing detective like I always used to do with Blake as a child. Mom was hiding something and I now knew it. She had never hid anything from us before so it made me curious and when I got curious, well, you never knew what could happen.

A small ‘tap, tap’ came from my window an hour later that made me jerk my head upwards. Thinking it was Blake, I sighed and shoved my notebook away but when I opened the blinds I tilted my head to the side. It was Nick. I rolled my eyes and shut the blinds again but when another ‘tap, tap’ came I muttered something under my breath and then opened the window.

As he climbed in he just looked around my room before his eyes went back to me. He hadn’t actually been inside of my mom in about a year or two; he’d only glanced in to see if I was there or something like that. Waiting for him to speak, I turned and sat on my bed as he sat on the beanbag chair in the corner of my room.

“I think you should see something.” Were his first words but he didn’t pull anything out so I waited. “Me and Oliver and your little friend discovered something today.” He added, not saying Blake’s name for my sake, I knew he had a little crush on her but I’d never tell her that or even mention I noticed to Nick. Bad idea.

“What?” I asked hiding the curiosity by making my voice bored. He saw past it and grinned before he continued. “Well, you know down on Maple street, that house that people never seem to come in and out of?” he asked, I merely nodded so he would continue. “Well, we went exploring in it today, and well, it’s clean and it had baby things in it but also some pictures.” He stopped there, examining my expression from what I could tell.

“Yeah, pictures are completely normal, Nick.” I reminded him rolling my eyes. He knew I wasn’t catching on to what he was saying but how could I? He didn’t really say anything else that could have lead me to thinking something more about them. “Well, there were some of people who had the same last name as us, as well as the people in the pictures looked like us, one even had mom in it.” He stopped there as I was now in thinking mode so my face would have different emotions spreading across it and I knew it looked weird, but didn’t care one bit.

I was going to have to write more about this in my journal after I actually saw the house and pictures to confirm what he was saying, it was evidence or maybe a clue to her hiding something. I decided it was a good thing for him to take me to the house the next day so that he could show me what they had seen and then I also found myself telling about the conversation with mom. He seemed surprised about her words but nothing else. He knew she favored him but he had just never said anything to object.

He agreed to take me to the house and he agreed not to tell mom about the conversation mishap I had told him about. I was surprised to see how easily he promised but he was filled with surprises my brother was. After a bit more of talking about random things he climbed out my window and went in through the front door so it looked normal, if mom saw him coming out of my room she’d suspect something.