Chapter 1- The Visit To Diagon Alley
The Potter’s entered Diagon Alley through the magic wall, Harry who was now 36 entered through the wall with 11 year old Albus who was wearing a woolly jumper his grandma Molly Weasley made him and grey jeans, he had his mother’s eye’s and his father’s face and black Hair followed by 13 year old James who was wearing a slightly different jumper and blue jeans he had his Mother’s ginger hair, freckled face and his father’s eye’s, then Ginny who was 35 entered with 9 year old Lily who was the spitting image of her mother.
Albus stared with wonder at the sight’s he saw. Harry smiled at his son as he remembered his first time at Diagon Alley as well. Ginny followed James with Lily holding her mother’s hand, to help him prepare for his second year at Hogwarts. Albus who had by now stop staring with amazement turned round to his father who said “Albus what’s on the list?” Albus took out is Letter that had been sent by Headmaster George Weasley, which told him what he would need for his first year at Hogwarts, he remembered how a month ago he was anxiously waiting for the invitation to Hogwarts and then just 2 days ago it had arrived, he smirked then coming back down to earth read the list of things he would need, he read the list to his father
“Right I need:
A beginner’s guide to Transfiguration by Merlin Terrier,
The Complete Encyclopaedia of Potions and elixirs By Alchemist Goldy Smith,
The Care of Magical creatures by Forlok Griffin
The Great Book of Herbology by Professor Neville Longbottom
A History of Hogwarts school of wizardry and witchcraft
A Beginner’s guide to configuration
The Book of Collective spells for Defence against the Dark Arts
One Broomstick
A Wand
Hogwarts Clothing
Nametags
Cauldron
A owl
Optional (cat, Iguana, raven, frog, phoenix)”
After Albus had finished, Harry said “right we’ve got your money yesterday so lets go to the book shop” pointing to a large shop, they strolled along the cobbled paved street to shop as they entered the shop the door bell dinged, Harry who knew the shop well walked over to the book selves and picked out the books Albus who was scanning the shop caught the sight of a 11 year old girl with white hair with white skin with her mother who looked the same, Albus got a feeling in the pit of his throat like it was becoming parched, then she went out of sight and the feeling went, Harry who had by now picked out all the books gave them to Albus who nearly collapsed with the sudden weight of the books carried them to the counter with his father who paid for the books and they left the store after they had left the shop Harry took Albus to a shop which in the distance looked like it sold pots but as they grew near he realised they were cauldrons, after they had reached the shop Harry said to Albus “go pick out a cauldron anything that takes your fancy” Albus walked over the to the cauldrons looking at the different kinds and nothing stood out to him except a crystal Cauldron, Albus who was intrigued by the cauldron read the tag, it said “this crystal cauldron made from a strange formation of crystals, 1,000 sickles” Albus who had just finished reading the tag went over to his father who was having a chat with a shopkeeper about business and said “that one father” pointing to the crystal cauldron, Harry who looked at the cauldron went over and picked it up and put it one the counter and paid the 1,000 sickles.
Albus who had a rucksack, put the crystal cauldron into the rucksack with the books that where already in there. Harry then said “let’s get your wand?” Albus who had waited for this instantly said “yes!” in a excited tone, Harry laughed so Harry took him over to olivander’s wand shop, as they entered Albus saw rows and rows of boxing containing wands just waiting to choose there owners Albus walked over to the counter still looking at the wands while he went, Harry said “Hi Olivander” Albus turned to see a old man who said “this must be Albus?” “Yes” said Harry, “right lets get down to business” and he hurried off to the rows of wands
And gave Albus a maple 11 inch raven feather core wand and Albus tried it out and it sent the boxes tumbling off the selves “not that one I think” and they tried another 4 times and each time the boxes came off the selves until they came to a red oak 12 inch wand with a dragon heart core
Albus tried levitating a book and it levitated off the counter by about 5 centimetres and turned to see Olivander nod with satisfaction and Harry gave Olivander the money, Albus couldn’t wait to try it out at Hogwarts.
Harry then took Albus to get a broomstick, the shop was covered from top to bottom with brooms and Harry got Albus a comet five thousand and they then got him his robes which Albus was sure were to a bit to long but Harry assured him it was to let him grow into them. And then came the last thing choosing a owl and pet they walked into the Animal shop and saw thousands of large and small animals Albus picked out a Long-eared Owl and a Iguana and Harry and Albus meet up with his mother, James and lily. James had got all the would need and Lily showed her father a small royal python she had got and Harry laughed and looked up at Ginny who gave him a smile, Ginny had got her father’s gift for Parseltongue talked to her python all the way to the burrow to meet up with the rest of the family _________________ The Book Writer
This is pretty good fanficiton. Just a couple of things though:
1. There were a few minor grammar and spelling errors, so be sure to use your spell check (yeah, I nitpick, sorry). Also, every time someone speaks, it should become a new paragraph. This helps prevent block writing.
2. I thought that Albus was the youngest, and that Lily and James had already been to Hogwarts at least once, and that James was the eldest and Lily was second. I suppose that I could be wrong though, I don't really remember it that well.
3. I don't believe that you purhase your broomstick before your first year.
You have a good plotline for continuing on the timeskip from book seven. It's going to be interesting how you depict the children during their time at Hogwarts. I also like that you made George the Headmaster; nice touch. Just remember that Neville's the Herbology Professer! Hehehe. All in all, I look forward to the next section (where I can nitpick some more, mwahahaha!) I also liked the idea of Albus meeting Mona and liking her, very interesting. _________________
No, in the epilouge, Lily was nine when Albus was 11 and James 13. Also, you wrote that Ginny had her fathers gif for Parseltounge, I am sure you meant Lily (good idea though). _________________
I like the ideas. Especially George as headmaster.
I think you have solid ideas for a story.
The only things are minor grammatical errors, but I can look past that. The only thing I didn't like was that HUGE run-on sentence about the crystal cauldron. It was like 7 lines or something. I look forward to what you have in store. Keep it up.
EDIT: I looked at it again, and it was that whole paragraph. Just a suggestion for your next release. _________________ Avi by Orchid.
kool new part or is it i havnt read all the book cuz i hate reading but im only readin the HP seris im up 2 TPOA so im not up2 date but i hate reading so ya.
Awesome how your story went! Very intresting! I never though about doing that... but the problem with it, is that it's a bit too creative and you spelled Ollivander wrong by the way...
Awesome how your story went! Very intresting! I never though about doing that... but the problem with it, is that it's a bit too creative and you spelled Ollivander wrong by the way...
kool new part or is it i havnt read all the book cuz i hate reading but im only readin the HP seris im up 2 TPOA so im not up2 date but i hate reading so ya.
Who is Draco Malfoy's wife? I just wanted to ask. I know Ron and Hermione have 1 daughter and 1 son (Rose, and Hugo). And I know that Harry and Ginny have 2 sons and 1 daughter (James, Albus, and Lily). But who is Draco Malfoy's wife?
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