Everyone, post a good joke and i'll see if it's funny
=]
i'll start :
Right.
Once, there were these two lads called Paddy and Murphy. Paddy goes to the stables and buys a horse for no reason what so ever. He brings it home. Murphy then goes and buys a horse for himself. Paddy doesn't like this so he cuts the leg off his horse. Murphy asks "Why did you do that?" and Paddy answers "Because I want my horse to be different to yours." So, Murphy cuts the leg off his horse. So Paddy is now adament to get his horse different from his so he cuts all four legs, both ears and its nose. Both horses end up exactly the same. Finally, Murphy says "Oh lets settle this. I'll have the brown one and you have the white one."
your go =] _________________ Harry and Ron were eating in the great hall, when suddenly they turned they're wands on themselves - Frankie off Mock The Week
im not sure if i got it right... but its someting like this.
so this was set during the roman empire, when the christians were persecuted. this particular christian was given the choice between living but denying his faith, or get eaten by a lion but he sticks to his faith. he picked the latter. so the authorities decided to feed him to the lions.
so he was brought to the arena where a hungry lion awaited him. the christian prayed to God and said, "Lord, please make this lion a Christian."
the lion pounced on him. then halfway, he stopped. the christian was amazed that the Lord heard his prayer. the lion made the sign of the cross. the christian was impressed.
then the lion prayed, "bless us, o' lord, and these thy gifts, which we are about to receive.."
THREE NUNS WERE ATTENDING A HOCKEY GAME. THREE MEN WERE SITTING DIRECTLY
>BEHIND.
>
>BECAUSE THEIR HABITS WERE PARTIALLY BLOCKING THE VIEW, THE MEN DECIDED
>TO BADGER THE NUNS HOPING THAT THEY'D GET ANNOYED ENOUGH TO MOVE TO
>ANOTHER AREA.
>
>IN A VERY LOUD VOICE, THE FIRST GUY SAID, "I THINK I'M GOING TO MOVE TO
>UTAH , THERE ARE ONLY 100 NUNS LIVING THERE."
>
>THEN THE SECOND GUY SPOKE UP AND SAID, "I WANT TO GO TO MONTANA , THERE
>ARE ONLY 5O NUNS LIVING THERE."
>
>THE THIRD GUY SAID, "I WANT TO GO TO IDAHO . THERE ARE ONLY 25 NUNS
>LIVING THERE."
>
>ONE OF THE NUNS TURNED AROUND, LOOKED AT THE MEN, AND IN A VERY SWEET
>AND CALM VOICE SAID, WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO TO HELL . THERE AREN'T ANY
>NUNS THERE." _________________
Name: Chloe Davidson
Age: 15
House: Ravenclaw
Wand: 14inch vine wood and unicorn hair.
Shut Up, Poop, and Manners were all good friends. One day they went for a ride and Poop was sticking his head out of the window. Poop flew out of the car and Shut Up went to the police station to report the accident.
The police man asked, "What is your name?"
"Shut Up!"
"Don't talk to me like that! Where are your manners?"
a russian, frenchman, and englishman were thirsty and wished they had something to drink.
the lake in front of them was so dirty they couldt drink its water.
just then a fairy appeared. she told them that all they had to do was run to the lake, and just as they are about to jump in, shout out what they want the water to turn into.
so the russian ran to the lake and said "vodka!"
and the lake turned into vodka.
after the russian drank the vodka,
the frenchman ran to the lake and said "champagne!"
and the lake turned into champagne.
after the frenchman had his fill,
the englishman ran to the lake.
just as he was about to shout "beer!"
he slipped on a banana peeling and said,
SHIT! _________________
I love my handsome Erik
A man walked into a bar. The man was starving, since he hadnt eaten in days. An old cowboy was sitting at a table, just staring at a bowl of chilly.
the man walked up and looked at the cowboy. "How's the chilly?" he asked as he pulled up a chair next to him.
"Take it." The cowboy pushed the bowl of chilly over to the man.
The chilly smelled great. The man scarffed down the bowl of chilly, and at the bottum lay a dead rat. The man barfed the chilly back into the bowl, and looked as if he was about to die.
"Yeah... That's about as far as i got with it myself" said the cowboy _________________
There were three guy's on a plane. A german, a American, and a Mexican. The plane was going down, so they decided to throw things out of the plane to make it lighter. The german guy picks up a Car and throws it out, then he say's, we've got to much of these(in Germany). The mexican picks up a Taco and throws it out of the plane, then he say's we've got to many of these (in mexico). Then the American guy picks up the Mexican guy and throws him out of the plane. Then he say's we've got to many of these. Lol _________________
One night, George W. Bush is awakened by George Washington's ghost in the White House. Bush asks: "George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?"
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises.
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moves through the dark bedroom. "Tom," W asks, "what is the best thing I could do to help the country?"
"Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," Jefferson advises.
Bush isn't sleeping well the next night, and sees another figure moving in the shadows. It's Abraham Lincoln's ghost.
"Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Bush asks.
Abe answers: "Go see a play." _________________ I Love The Rev <3
Ohhhhhhh shit! whats in the bucket..... - The Rev <3
This one is pretty long, and kinda wrong... so ya lol
Spoiler:
A man just bought a chicken farm. He has everything he needs except for a rooster. So he opens the news paper, and reads "rooster for sail $25" So he drives to the adress provided, to see what this was about. He saw the farmer sitting there, by the barn.
"Scuse Me" He said. Ther farmer looked up. "Have you been able to sell that rooster yet?"
"No. Take em'" Said the farmer. "It'll do anything."
"Whoa! WHy are you getting rid of it? that's an awesome rooster." said the man.
"I just cant deal with him anymore."
So the man takes him home, and puts the rooster in the henhouse. He wakes up the next morning and sees that every hen has layed an egg. He wakes up the next day and sees the same thing. This is awesome he said to himself.
The next day he wakes up and sees the rooster with the pig. He just shakes his head and walks away a few hours later he sees him with the horse, than the dog, than the cow. "God this thing is gunna skrew it'sself to death!" The farmer thought to himself.
The next morning he woke up and went outside. There was no rooster to be found. He loos in the sky and sees a volcher circling. "I knew it" he said as he walked over. The rooster looked up quickly and went shhhhh and pointed up at the volcher.
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I Love The Rev <3
