THE YEARS LATER
Ch. 1 The First of September *(I'm not done with this chapter yet)*
“Mom! Dad! Wake up, we have to get ready to go, we don’t want to be late!” Albus Potter came running into his parent’s room, dressed and packed.
“Albus, its six in the morning, the train doesn’t leave for another five hours. Go back to bed.” Albus’ dad had rolled over, away from his son, after he had spoken. Apparently Albus’ parents didn’t like to be woken on a Saturday morning.
Albus Severous Potter had been waiting for this day, in his mind, forever. The past year was the first year of his older brother, James, had gone to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and now it was his turn. His turn to ride on the Hogwarts Express, his turn to meet all of the teachers, his turn to learn magic.
When he had first gotten the letter explaining what he needed (wand, robe, cauldron, ect.) they had traveled to Diagon Alley the next morning. Albus had purchased a Redwood 11 inch Grindylow hair string wand (from Olivander’s), a brass cauldron, and the best robes at Madam Malken’s. He had even baught a broomstick, the Fire-Bolt 3001, seeing how first years could now bring brooms to school.
After his father had told him to go back to bed, quietly Albus tip-toed back to the room he and James shared Before entering he looked at his nine year old sister, Lilly. Even though she was two years younger than him, Albus had always felt very close to her. _________________ BM #8
You haven't even begun yet and you already say it's bad.
The beginning looks promising, just post some more and longer.
When he had first gotten the letter explaining what he needed (wand, robe, cauldron, ect.) they had traveled to Diagon Alley the next morning. Albus had purchased a Redwood 11 inch Grindylow hair string wand (from Olivander’s), a brass cauldron, and the best robes at Madam Malken’s. He had even baught a broomstick, the Fire-Bolt 3001, seeing how first years could now bring brooms to school.
Why the words between the brackets? Don't try to explain or comment in that way. Just do that while you write in the story itself. You don't have to explain everything right away. Haha, my English is bad, sorry. Hope you know what I mean.
I think its alright for a start. You need to edit it some, Dont always explain stuff to us. Let the reader think about it for a while, instead of handing us over the story. Thats the fun of it. But other than that, Its okay. The more you write the better you are. _________________
just revise some spelling things and such, then your good to go. I like it, i don't think anyone else has thought of doing something like that yet. correct me if i'm wrong. _________________ Bring on the rain,
Oh baby, bring on the pain,
and listen to the Thunder!
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