I'm fried-fried i'm fried so,
You got high from cappucino,
I'm stoked-stoked i'm stoked no,
see the feelings that you sew,
I'm gone-gone i'm gone low,
Lower than the lowest you go,
You should improvise,
I will supervise,
You should improvise,
lets all supervise,
I'm free-free i'm free no,
I'm higher than you'll go,
I'm down-down i'm down so,
Olny wings to swim flow,
Your one-one your one yeah,
I'm two for 1 on three swear,
Your me-me your me hey,
I can wear my care away,
You should improvise,
i'll let you supervise,
lets all improvise,
no-one can surpervise,
You should improvise,
i'll let you tear my eyes,
we will improvise,
blind with equal eyes.
i've left-left i've left you,
Never steeping out without one shoe,
I'm tired-tired i'm tired yeah,
I know you couldent really care,
I can sing-sing I can sing choir,
you scream i'm a liar,
I love-love I love you,
I'll let you run my through too. _________________
all of my stuff is macabre and controversial so proceed with caution... there may also be some language so ima put them in spoiler tags
(and i wrote these like 10 yrs ago)
blood on the mirrors
Spoiler:
Home at three thirty the show starts at four
Go into the bathroom, I don’t lock the door
I planned it for months now they won’t be home
Turn on the machine and turn off the phone
They all keep laughing and pick on me still
If only I could stop it with this little pill
One hour later, I can still see
That didn’t work, off to plan B
Off to the kitchen for a sharp knife
I need to leave this miserable life
Back to the bathroom my wrist I did slash
And into the bathtub I went with a splash
Blood on the mirrors walls and the sink
I forgot the note, oh how can I think
I threw aside the bathrug it was in my way
And wrote in blood the goodbye I wanted to say
In life I was no one a joke for them all
I dint wear fashion, wasn’t thin or tall
Hopefully in death I have more than life
Because I cant end death with the blade of a knife
Around then I blacked out and my body got cold
And I proved wrong everything I was told
I moved towards the white light and felt extreme love
Its like I was carried on the wings of a dove
When they found me my body was blue
Their eyes were tear and they said I love you
I look at the school kids, they pick on me still
I couldn’t stop it, no knife and no pill
Was it a good idea, should I regret
There is nothing I can do now my fate I did set
Blood on the mirrors walls and the sink
Nothing has changed why did I think
how
Spoiler:
How do I tell her
What do I say
When she asks about
That cold winter day
She is only three now
And I am in vain
How can I tell her
This haunting pain
Christmas is coming
Her father is gone
She does not realize
How it was wrong
Where is my daddy
Where did he go
A week before Christmas
Three years ago
He took me to the movies
And we went out to lunch
I should have stayed home
It was more than a hunch
He drove to the country
Where no one would see
She tore off my clothing
Yes her father raped me
How can I tell her
What do I say
Where is my daddy
Why is he away
The man is in jail now
He will be out in five
He could have had more jail time
But I am alive
What can I tell her
What do I say
When she asks about
That cold winter day
comming attractions
Spoiler:
In psycho one through psycho four
Mother kills the little whores
All the Freddy’s and Halloweens
Made up some famous scream queens
Jason one and two were good
The rest tried as best as they could
Jack, neve, Bruce, and the reaper
Tells scary stories like the crypt keeper
Vampires, ghosts, zombies, and ghouls
Wreck courtships, playgrounds, malls, and schools
The awakening, the hunger and the thing
Will scare you and the willies it brings
Christine, dead zone, and the screams
Will love you and hate you
And bring you bad dreams
You may know what I did last summer
And on April fools day what a bummer
Warlock, cujo, creep show and chucky
Will make you cringe because the guts are yucky
Armies of darkness and the evil dead
All of these stories running through your head
Englund, Perkins, Barrymore and king
All play in a movie that dread it will bring
The stepfather, the evil, the shining, the fly
Are full of stupid people who are not ready to die
Barker and Shelley, stoker and Poe
They are old favorites that everyone will know
Vincent price is the raven and is known to kill
Have you seen the house on haunted hill?
Audrey rose, vampire circus, and freaks
And the cousins that retrieve the cursed antiques
Look at the time it is the witching hour
So light a candle and be ready to cower
These are all stories of carnage and hell
But they have a lesson in the stories they tell
So dim the lights and grab a drink
Make some popcorn and try not to blink
You are now ready for startles and screams
And now for your feature unpleasant dreams
personality fight (kinda long)
Spoiler:
In the shadows I hide
In the alleys I creep
I wait until
You fall asleep
I open your window
And crawl inside
You will not hear me
And you I will find
I will crawl on top
Of your soft mortal skin
And kiss your lips
So you will wake then
You open your eyes
And see me there
My cold undead touch
And intense stare
I will kiss your neck
In an intimate way
That’s when you scream
Please go away!
The adrenaline rush
Gets your blood hot
And then I bite
That fatal spot.
I feel the blood gush
Into my mouth and throat
And over your body
I feel death coat.
Every night I go
Every victim I take
Every night I hunt
And stay awake
But there is a sadness
In my cold blood
I miss the sunrise
The bright-lighted flood
If I try to stay awake
What could happen?
My immortality it will take.
How can I stop it?
How can I try?
To protect my life
So I will not die
I asked the elder
What shall I do?
He said there is one thing
That he once knew
I sacrifice myself
To the intense light
To see for once
The forbidden sight
I will die
And be reborn
And I will not remember
This secret sworn
But with all the daylight that I can see
I cannot rest because it should not be
I will not know my past
I will only know my heart
The day will bother me
For the vampire life I should start
I will in my heart know
That I am damned to the light with no sickness to show
I will crave the darkness I will crave the blood
But in return I can see the light flood
But it will happen; I will get chance number two
To become the creature that I dreamed was true
In the shadows you hide
In the alleys you creep
You wait until
I fall asleep
You open my window and creep inside
I will not hear you but my body you’ll find
You will crawl on top of my warm mortal skin
And kiss my lips, I will wake then
I open my eyes and see you there
You will kiss me in an intimate way
And we will make love
Until almost day
The adrenaline rush
Gets my blood hot
And then you bite
That fatal spot
I feel the blood rush
Into your mouth and throat
And over my body I feel death coat
But with the third kiss I taste my own life
I bite your lip my teeth like a knife
I feel your cold blood warmed with my own
And in a flash, I am fully-grown.
I still remember the gothic child
The wish is now granted and the sacrifice mild
In a year’s time, I will forget
The troubles and perils from this little trip
And the cycle will go from daylight to night
Will I ever win this personality fight?
the beauty of the night
Spoiler:
Every time the sun goes down, the night awakens out of bed.
Some people go to work and some just lie in dread.
The night wind is as whimsical as the daylight breeze
They both howl and whistle and they both rock the trees.
As you shall sleep, I am condemned to prowl
You wont see me but you may hear my growl
The silence of the open street
The cool breeze lifting off the heat
The darkness is a place to hide
And I see you safely tucked inside
Listen closely to the nightly sounds
The door will creak the heater pounds
But when I come you won’t hear me
Your dog and cat, they both will flee
I am the creature of the night
I am the reason for your fright
So don’t you fret and don’t you cry
Do not be afraid to die
I will be swift because I am skilled
Before you know it you will be killed
No one gets saved, I will not forget
This story is not done I do not regret
You are dead now, you are not alive
But somehow through death we all survive
You will become a creature of the night
The story is now told of death and fright
The blood will drip from the lifeless corpse
And you will kill with no remorse
Every time the sun goes down the night awakens out of bed
You will know the beauty of the night and now you’re the reason for their dread
You asked me to comment, Ravvy, so I will. First of all, I would like to say that I am extremely picky when it comes to poetry. I have always been a stickler for rules, and I feel that poetry should have rules. It needs to have structure and each line should project the meaning of many sentences.
I despise freeverse, and I want to shoot the person who invented it.
Your poetry, does seem to have a structure and you typically stay true to structured poetry. Some of it strays, though.
ravvy wrote:
all of my stuff is macabre and controversial so proceed with caution... there may also be some language so ima put them in spoiler tags
(and i wrote these like 10 yrs ago)
blood on the mirrors
Spoiler:
Home at three thirty the show starts at four
Go into the bathroom, I don’t lock the door
I planned it for months now they won’t be home
Turn on the machine and turn off the phone
They all keep laughing and pick on me still
If only I could stop it with this little pill
One hour later, I can still see
That didn’t work, off to plan B
Off to the kitchen for a sharp knife
I need to leave this miserable life
Back to the bathroom my wrist I did slash
And into the bathtub I went with a splash
Blood on the mirrors walls and the sink
I forgot the note, oh how can I think
I threw aside the bathrug it was in my way
And wrote in blood the goodbye I wanted to say
In life I was no one a joke for them all
I dint wear fashion, wasn’t thin or tall
Hopefully in death I have more than life
Because I cant end death with the blade of a knife
Around then I blacked out and my body got cold
And I proved wrong everything I was told
I moved towards the white light and felt extreme love
Its like I was carried on the wings of a dove
When they found me my body was blue
Their eyes were tear and they said I love you
I look at the school kids, they pick on me still
I couldn’t stop it, no knife and no pill
Was it a good idea, should I regret
There is nothing I can do now my fate I did set
Blood on the mirrors walls and the sink
Nothing has changed why did I think
This was really sad. Overall, I think that you did a good job with it. It draws you in, and the ending is very true.
Quote:
how
Spoiler:
How do I tell her
What do I say
When she asks about
That cold winter day
She is only three now
And I am in vain
How can I tell her
This haunting pain
Christmas is coming
Her father is gone
She does not realize
How it was wrong
Where is my daddy
Where did he go
A week before Christmas
Three years ago
He took me to the movies
And we went out to lunch
I should have stayed home
It was more than a hunch
He drove to the country
Where no one would see
She tore off my clothing
Yes her father raped me
How can I tell her
What do I say
Where is my daddy
Why is he away
The man is in jail now
He will be out in five
He could have had more jail time
But I am alive
What can I tell her
What do I say
When she asks about
That cold winter day
I've suddenly decided that it would be redundant to say that the poem is sad in each comment. They are all sad, so just remember that I said that when you look at my other comments. This is another one that draws the reader in from the beginning. It also raises a very difficult question in a situation that I'm sure other have been in. I have always said that I won't lie to my children about anything -- even Santa Claus. If I were ever in this situation, though, I have no idea how I would handle it. It's diffrent, too. I like that. You also kept it from sounding like a cheesy poem that you would find in a chain letter. Kudos to that.
Quote:
comming attractions
Spoiler:
In psycho one through psycho four
Mother kills the little whores
All the Freddy’s and Halloweens
Made up some famous scream queens
Jason one and two were good
The rest tried as best as they could
Jack, neve, Bruce, and the reaper
Tells scary stories like the crypt keeper
Vampires, ghosts, zombies, and ghouls
Wreck courtships, playgrounds, malls, and schools
The awakening, the hunger and the thing
Will scare you and the willies it brings
Christine, dead zone, and the screams
Will love you and hate you
And bring you bad dreams
You may know what I did last summer
And on April fools day what a bummer
Warlock, cujo, creep show and chucky
Will make you cringe because the guts are yucky
Armies of darkness and the evil dead
All of these stories running through your head
Englund, Perkins, Barrymore and king
All play in a movie that dread it will bring
The stepfather, the evil, the shining, the fly
Are full of stupid people who are not ready to die
Barker and Shelley, stoker and Poe
They are old favorites that everyone will know
Vincent price is the raven and is known to kill
Have you seen the house on haunted hill?
Audrey rose, vampire circus, and freaks
And the cousins that retrieve the cursed antiques
Look at the time it is the witching hour
So light a candle and be ready to cower
These are all stories of carnage and hell
But they have a lesson in the stories they tell
So dim the lights and grab a drink
Make some popcorn and try not to blink
You are now ready for startles and screams
And now for your feature unpleasant dreams
Haha . . . would I sound disturbing if I said that this one made me laugh? I loved it! It came off as morbid humor to me. I hope that I didn't interpret that wrong. Of course -- there is no wrong way to interpret poetry. That is another thing that I hate about poetry.
Quote:
personality fight (kinda long)
Spoiler:
In the shadows I hide
In the alleys I creep
I wait until
You fall asleep
I open your window
And crawl inside
You will not hear me
And you I will find
I will crawl on top
Of your soft mortal skin
And kiss your lips
So you will wake then
You open your eyes
And see me there
My cold undead touch
And intense stare
I will kiss your neck
In an intimate way
That’s when you scream
Please go away!
The adrenaline rush
Gets your blood hot
And then I bite
That fatal spot.
I feel the blood gush
Into my mouth and throat
And over your body
I feel death coat.
Every night I go
Every victim I take
Every night I hunt
And stay awake
But there is a sadness
In my cold blood
I miss the sunrise
The bright-lighted flood
If I try to stay awake
What could happen?
My immortality it will take.
How can I stop it?
How can I try?
To protect my life
So I will not die
I asked the elder
What shall I do?
He said there is one thing
That he once knew
I sacrifice myself
To the intense light
To see for once
The forbidden sight
I will die
And be reborn
And I will not remember
This secret sworn
But with all the daylight that I can see
I cannot rest because it should not be
I will not know my past
I will only know my heart
The day will bother me
For the vampire life I should start
I will in my heart know
That I am damned to the light with no sickness to show
I will crave the darkness I will crave the blood
But in return I can see the light flood
But it will happen; I will get chance number two
To become the creature that I dreamed was true
In the shadows you hide
In the alleys you creep
You wait until
I fall asleep
You open my window and creep inside
I will not hear you but my body you’ll find
You will crawl on top of my warm mortal skin
And kiss my lips, I will wake then
I open my eyes and see you there
You will kiss me in an intimate way
And we will make love
Until almost day
The adrenaline rush
Gets my blood hot
And then you bite
That fatal spot
I feel the blood rush
Into your mouth and throat
And over my body I feel death coat
But with the third kiss I taste my own life
I bite your lip my teeth like a knife
I feel your cold blood warmed with my own
And in a flash, I am fully-grown.
I still remember the gothic child
The wish is now granted and the sacrifice mild
In a year’s time, I will forget
The troubles and perils from this little trip
And the cycle will go from daylight to night
Will I ever win this personality fight?
I'm not really a vampire person. The structure of this one seems off to me, so that was distracting. Sorry. It really is like nails on a chalkboard for me. I did like the way that you ended it. It sort of had a twist, but it also represented a cycle. I also like the mystery rebirth and the nagging of a past life.
Quote:
the beauty of the night
Spoiler:
Every time the sun goes down, the night awakens out of bed.
Some people go to work and some just lie in dread.
The night wind is as whimsical as the daylight breeze
They both howl and whistle and they both rock the trees.
As you shall sleep, I am condemned to prowl
You wont see me but you may hear my growl
The silence of the open street
The cool breeze lifting off the heat
The darkness is a place to hide
And I see you safely tucked inside
Listen closely to the nightly sounds
The door will creak the heater pounds
But when I come you won’t hear me
Your dog and cat, they both will flee
I am the creature of the night
I am the reason for your fright
So don’t you fret and don’t you cry
Do not be afraid to die
I will be swift because I am skilled
Before you know it you will be killed
No one gets saved, I will not forget
This story is not done I do not regret
You are dead now, you are not alive
But somehow through death we all survive
You will become a creature of the night
The story is now told of death and fright
The blood will drip from the lifeless corpse
And you will kill with no remorse
Every time the sun goes down the night awakens out of bed
You will know the beauty of the night and now you’re the reason for their dread
please comment.
Again, vampires aren't my thing, but the words you use are astoundingly beautiful. It was rather poetic. Again, I enjoyed the cyclic way that you wrote this one. _________________
Please support the Diabetes Walk
Last edited by zengrenouille on February 4, 2008 9:35 am; edited 1 time in total
thank you for your comments and honesty. i do sometimes stray from verse but those were also some of my first ever poems so i have gotten better. and the movie one was supposed to be funny. _________________
wow ravvy you make amazing poems, like i said the 1st one made me tear up a bit bc it reminds me so much of myself, cept im not dead. the 2nd is sad, & i hope that never happens to me the 3rd one made me giggle a lil. & the last 2 were amazing bc im like in love with vampires. _________________ "I was nauseous and tingly all over. . . . I was either in love or I had smallpox." - Woody Allen
Noël Games in the Shalanka Playground
Kaleidoscope tongues oscillate -
caroling lop-sided tra-la-la
chemicals, topside brains; seines
sliding gaudville lights on sleighs
to commute clauses and a lawless
loll (on teetering teeth see-saws)
that seats me like some off-tossed
hips for this bucking-fuck-acronym
I try to recapture pasts with a hand
against kids in a game of jacks,
but I’m hunted by a pack of ip-dip
incantations, and the delineation
on the tarmac; the braille on their lips
is illegible, and their eyes shine
like diamonds in a teleidoscope,
or the rainbow light-bulbs on the tree _________________
From a forgotten and lonely place
He lies alone in his jail, in hell itself
What is troubling your hearing?
Can´t you even listen?
The bird sings until his decease
It´s an endless melody
Like those luxurious things in your residence
That will never fill your emptiness
What an irony it must be
Having been born with wings
And watch the sky from there
It´s a cruel torment
There´s a spike incrusted deep in my self
In my left side where my hope stays
It only hurts when I laugh like telling me
We´ll never be free until so is he
What makes us believe we are so important?
As if the human race is the only thing essential
A capricious selfishness
To justify ourselves
The suffering of a poor animal
And all of his pain
There´s a spike incrusted deep in my self
In my left side where my hope stays
It only hurts when I laugh like telling me
We´ll never be free until so is he
I wrote some lyrics for my band (doom), here's something...
This one s called Darkness
Birds of hell are shading the sky
Souls of sinners are coming to the ground
Stained with blood of innocence
They’re going to take just another prise
Don’t let them take you
Just hide into the light
Only fear can betray you
Now wait for all to pass
The fog is covering the space
And the moon is in front of the sun
Darkness preveails, the momment has come
Blind soul is chasing the life
Don’t let them take you
Just hide into the light
Only fear can betray you
Now wait for all to pass
The clock is broken
Time has vannished
The beginning of the end is coming at last
Corrupting all the pure and divine
Nightfate
Crawling through the woods
In the quest for blood
Trying to survive
With the anger in his eyes
Searching for the living ones
Why I have to feel this pain?
Could you make him go away?
Can't you see he's killing me
I have to run away!
Hey can you see this
Hey can you hear this
Hey can you stop this
Light that is fading
Why they left their house
In this darkest night
They don't know the myth
Of the Hidden One
With the soul of innocence
They just wanna play
Why I have to feel this pain?
Why can't you make him go away?
Can't you see he's killing me
I have to run away!
Hey can you see this
Hey can you hear this
Hey can you stop this
Light that is fading
Now He spotted prey!
With the hunger sense
Runnig towards them
They start to scream
But no one hears them
It's too late
Blood is spilled
Reality
Grey clouds covered the sun
Alone we walk through the fog of life
The echo of silence is
Spreading through the time
Now we’ll wait for the final sign
Depression and sadness inhabit these lands
But no one sense them or one cares
Can they feel all this pain
Which brakes the people
With sorrow in their veins
Day or night, it’s all the same
We live in dark whole this time
Only blind now can see
This world is stained with despaire
Feel the emptyness in your heart
All the good is a big nice lie
Depression and sadness inhabit these lands
But no one sense them or one cares
Can they feel all this pain
Which brakes the people
With sorrow in their veins
Whole our life
We carry affliction in our heart
And the mommnet we feel it
Is the momment when we fall down
I have many more, i'll post it later... _________________ Aspirat primo Fortuna labori
Me duce tutus eris
Vox populi vox Dei
Ad majorem Dei gloriam...
Ad infinitum!
I see mothers in black cryin, brothers in packs dyin
Plus everybody's high, too doped up to ask why
Watchin our own downfall, witness the end
It's like we don't believe in God cause we livin in sin
I asked my homie on the block why he strapped, he laughed
Pointed his pistol as the cop car passed and blast
It's just another murder, nobody mourns no more
My tear drops gettin bigger but can't figure what I'm cryin for
Is it the miniature caskets, little babies
Victims of a stray, from drug dealers gone crazy
Maybe it's just the drugs, visions of how the block was
Crack came and it was strange how it rocked us
Perhaps the underlyin fact stay high explain genocide
It's when we ride on our own kind
What is it we all fear, reflections in the mirror
We can't escape fate, the end is gettin nearer
Can't close my eyes cause all I see is terror
I hate the man in the mirror
Cause his reflection makes the pain turn realer
Times of Armageddeon, murder in mass amounts
In this society where only gettin the cash counts
I started out as a beginner
Entered the criminal lifestyle became a sinner
I make my money and vacate, evade prison
Went from the chosen one to outcast, unforgiven
And all the Hennessy and weed can't hide, the pain I feel inside
You know, it's like I'm livin just to die
I fall on my knees and beg for mercy, not knowin if I'm worthy
Livin life thinkin no man can hurt me
So I'm askin -- before I lay me down to sleep
Before you judge me, look at all the sh*t you did to me, my misery
I rose up from the slums, made it out the flames
In my search for fame will I change? I'm askin _________________
I Love Makenzie
I hate it when they tell us how far we came to be as if our peoples history started with slavery
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thanks 
