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Posts: 732 · Joined: Nov 6, 2006 Location: Michigan Posts: 732

so does anybody know any good jokes?
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Posts: 732 · Joined: Nov 6, 2006 Location: Michigan Posts: 732

You might be a redneck if.....

you work topless and so does your wife
you misspelled any thing in christmas lights
your fridge has more rust than your truck
you have a toilet in your front yard as a planter
you think the nutcraker is something you do on the high dive
you leave santa cold beer and pickeled eggs
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Posts: 19 · Joined: Dec 28, 2006 Posts: 19

A man is sitting at his couch looking all gloomy.

"What is wrong?" His wife asks him.
"I feel so alone and useless." he replies.
"Aww, you're not alone, everybody thinks you're useless." she says.

Sorry, it is terrible, but I read it on Yahoo!answers, so...

Posts: 732 · Joined: Nov 6, 2006 Location: Michigan Posts: 732

lol, that was funny, I did have to read it a few times, but i am easily confused. I get it... LOL
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Posts: 555 · Joined: Dec 3, 2006 Location: Leland,NC U.S.A. Posts: 555

Posts: 732 · Joined: Nov 6, 2006 Location: Michigan Posts: 732

I didn't say there was anything wrong with that, It's hard to beat.
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Posts: 555 · Joined: Dec 3, 2006 Location: Leland,NC U.S.A. Posts: 555

LOL

good job!
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DOC W
MALE

Posts: 732 · Joined: Nov 6, 2006 Location: Michigan Posts: 732

yeah, that one was on the song, the redneck 12 days of Christmas. Did you ever hear it?
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Posts: 555 · Joined: Dec 3, 2006 Location: Leland,NC U.S.A. Posts: 555

Fur sure!
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DOC W
MALE

Posts: 732 · Joined: Nov 6, 2006 Location: Michigan Posts: 732

thats like the coolest Christmas song, that and the 12 pains of Christmas. Have you ever heard that song, james Penguin?
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Posts: 609 · Joined: Oct 17, 2006 Location: The Netherlands Posts: 609

In Holland we have a Christmas song called "Flappie" and it's about a boy (sung by an adult male) who's rabbit has disappeard, and he later finds out that his dad killed the rabbit to eat with Christmas... (and then there's a part that goes the same as the beginning of the first part... only this time the dad is gone...)

It's anoying.
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Nederlands!!

Posts: 732 · Joined: Nov 6, 2006 Location: Michigan Posts: 732

thats cool....but odd. is it meant to be funny or sad?
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Posts: 226 · Posted: January 5, 2007 10:54 pm Post subject:

Ok......

Theres three roosters. The American rooster says cockle-doodle-doo. The Polish roster is backwards o it says doodle-cockle-doo. The Gay rooster says any-cockle-doo. Laughing

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Posts: 2291 · Posted: January 5, 2007 11:46 pm Post subject:

lol good one
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Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
~ Albus Dumbledore

Posts: 3143 · Joined: Aug 18, 2005 Location: Tennessee Posts: 3143

Wow....

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Posts: 555 · Joined: Dec 3, 2006 Location: Leland,NC U.S.A. Posts: 555

Posts: 555 · Joined: Dec 3, 2006 Location: Leland,NC U.S.A. Posts: 555

A blond girl gets tired of being teased about dumb blondes, and so she dyes her hair brown. Very soon she notices that the jokes have stoped and she is very happy about it. Now this girl liked to take long drives in the country on her days off, and one day in peticular she is driving along and sees a shepherd with his flock in a field. Oh, how cute! she exclaims, and stops the car. Sir, she calls, I would like to buy one of your sheep.
No he replys I only sell them 10 at a time. Oh, no she said I only want one. No, no I can't do that he says. Look, she replys if I can guess how many you have, will you sell me just one?
No way she can do that he thinks and says sarcasticly, Yeah alright.
You have 654 and 1/2 because one is pregnent.
Astonished the man says, Yeah, you're right, I can't believe it. I'm a man of my word, go ahead, wade in there and pick one out and we'll dicker for a price.
Well, she wades in, picks out an animal and comes out holding it in her arms.
The shepherd says, Lady, If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?
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DOC W
MALE

Posts: 1657 · Joined: Jan 6, 2007 Posts: 1657

Difference Between Men and Women

1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.

5. Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot more willing to die.

6. Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does.

9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

10. There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage & after marriage.

Posts: 555 · Joined: Dec 3, 2006 Location: Leland,NC U.S.A. Posts: 555

To WhitneyM: Aplaulse wistle scream and LOL !
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DOC W
MALE

Posts: 1657 · Joined: Jan 6, 2007 Posts: 1657

Thank you thank you, I am here all week!

A young mother was having a consultation with a doctor. As they spoke, her Little Johnny could clearly be heard terrorizing the people in the waiting room - yet she made no attempt to restrain him.
Soon they heard some clattering in an adjoining room, but still she did nothing. Finally, after an extra-loud crash, the woman casually told the doctor, "I hope you don't mind my Little Johnny playing in there."

"No, not at all," said the doctor calmly. "I'm sure he'll calm down as soon as he finds the poison."

Posts: 217 · Joined: Jan 7, 2007 Location: new york Posts: 217

haha that one is pretty good
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lets cause
a scene
. . && give them something to talk about

Posts: 732 · Joined: Nov 6, 2006 Location: Michigan Posts: 732

lol. I have 2.

1. A blonde, a russian and an American are sitting in a bar. The american says, we where thee first people to land on the moon, the russian says, we where the first to go into space. The blonde says, we weren't the first to do anything, but we will be the first to land on the sun.

2. do you notice how every bad thing in a womans life begins with men. take MENapause, MENstral cycle, and MENtal breakdown
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Posts: 217 · Joined: Jan 7, 2007 Location: new york Posts: 217

haha those are both good i really love number 2!!!!
_________________
lets cause
a scene
. . && give them something to talk about

Posts: 61 · Joined: Jan 9, 2007 Location: Ireland Posts: 61

Here are some jokes

1. 'How do you gauge the time when you're cooking the dinner? Do you use an electronic device or what?' asked the consumer researcher.

'Not at all,' explained Kitty Carey. 'It's simpler than that. In the oven I put a big piece of meat and a little one. When the little one's burned the big one's ready!'

2. Irish they were and drunk for sure and they sat in the comer of Mulligan's newly refurbished bar. Across the wall opposite was a huge mirror, fourteen feet long and stretching from floor to ceiling.

Glancing around the room Pat suddenly spotted their reflection in the mirror.

'Mick, Mick, he whispered. 'Don't look now but there's two fellas over there the image of us!'

'In the name of God, said Mick, spotting the reflection. 'They're wearing identical clothes and everything.'

'They are indeed, said Pat. 'I'm going to buy them a drink.'

But as Pat started to rise from his seat, Mick said, 'Sit down Pat one of them's coming over!'

3.While being interviewed for a job, the personnel manager said to the Maguire brothers:

'We're going to give you a written examination. Ten questions. Whoever gets most right we'll hire.'

Papers were produced and the boys set to work answering the general knowledge questions. When the time was up the personnel manager collected and marked the papers.

'Well,' said he, 'you've both got nine out of ten, but I'm giving Mick the job.'

'Why's that?' asked Pat.

'Well,' said the manager, 'you both got the same question wrong but he had

'I don't know this' and you had 'Neither do I!'.

Posts: 1657 · Joined: Jan 6, 2007 Posts: 1657

A guy runs into a bar and says, "Bartender, quick! Give me 20 shots of your best Scotch!"
So the bartender lines up 20 shots of his best Scotch and watches this guy down one after the other.

"Man," the bartender says, "I've never seen anyone drink shots that fast!"
"You'd drink them that fast too if you have what I have," the guy says.

"Oh my God," says the bartender, "what do you have?"

"50 cents."

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