EGGS: When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.
DAIRY PRODUCTS: Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is already. Cheddar cheese is spoiled when you think it is blue cheese but you realize you've never purchased that kind.
EXPIRATION DATES: This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly good food so that you'll spend more on groceries. Perhaps you'd benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen.
MEAT: If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three- block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.
BREAD: Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable "spots" that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are a good indication that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment.
FLOUR: Flour is spoiled when it wiggles.
SALT: It never spoils.
CANNED GOODS: Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball should be disposed of. Carefully.
CARROTS: A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.
RAISINS: Raisins should not be harder than your teeth.
CHIP DIP: If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad.
GENERAL RULE OF THUMB: Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster nearby your refrigerator to gauge this. _________________ I am Ravvy and I approve this message.
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Chocolate Rules
1. If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
2. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
3. The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
4. Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.
5. If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
6. If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?
7. Money talks. Chocolate sings.
8. Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
9. Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
A. Because no one wants to quit.
10. Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.
11. A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
12. If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?
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and thank you _________________ I am Ravvy and I approve this message.
------------------------------------------------
Chocolate Rules
1. If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
2. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
3. The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
4. Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.
5. If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
6. If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?
7. Money talks. Chocolate sings.
8. Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.
9. Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
A. Because no one wants to quit.
10. Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.
11. A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?
12. If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?
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and thank you
Haha, I love these rules. Some of them are even funny.
My Favorite One; 10. Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done. _________________
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